


Total Eclipse

by bookofthels



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookofthels/pseuds/bookofthels
Summary: Bella and Edward are brought back together after their long separation, but things have changed. Bella is now conflicted in her feelings for Jacob, Victoria continues her attempts to kill Bella, and Bella begins a long string of compromises that alter the course of her life forever. This is Eclipse, reimagined.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Cold Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it would be fun to write out what Valentine’s Day could have looked like for Edward and Bella. The timeline of this story edits the original canon, meaning the breakup in New Moon and subsequent recoupling happens earlier, allowing the pair to be reunited in time to spend both the Christmas holiday season together and Valentine’s Day. This is before the events are set in motion for the vampire army attack in Eclipse. I’d also like to mention that this story addresses a scene that occurs later in the timeline of the novel. I’ve edited it here to give Edward and Bella a bit of private time that is free of the pressures that the later happenings of Eclipse bring to the moment. In this, I have used direct quotes from Meyer’s novel, and I do not claim to own that content in any way. As stated, this is purely for fun and to share with my fellow Twilight fans.

The dull blue grey light of the morning filtered through my window in a haze, waking me gently from inconsequential dreams. My natural instincts to unfurl myself from my usual swaddle of blankets to reach for him felt empty and unnecessary. Rather, I found myself spread across my bed in a sweaty mess of fabric.

“Edward?” I said softly, propping myself up to take in the room. I blinked quickly and tried to brush the mess of my hair from my face, speaking his name again as a question. There was no reply.

I tried to think back to the night before; I didn’t think he had gone hunting. No, he had surely been with me when I fell asleep. A compilation of Victorian poetry was open face-down on his side of my bed. We made the trip to Seattle a few weeks ago to get the book I needed to get started on my research paper. I had chosen the topic of Tennyson and Rossetti as an ironic gesture toward him – my very own post-Victorian era angel. He was reading his favorites to me, his voice a velvet whisper when I had fallen asleep in his cool embrace.

No, I was sure he had been with me throughout the night. I ran my left palm over the bare sheet beside me and felt the lingering presence of his wintry skin. It was unusual for him to leave before I woke. It was my favorite part of each day, and his. I was wondering what had called him away as I picked up the heavy text to see where he had left off. As I turned the pages to face me, a small piece of paper fluttered into my lap. The note he had left in his elegant script explained his absence.

‘Who are wise in love, love most, say least. Happy Valentine’s Day, love.’

He quoted Tennyson, I was sure, but the poem he had left open was not the same one he referenced. Instead, the book was open to Tennyson’s ‘Crossing the Bar,’ which was certainly not a love poem. I scanned it quickly, trying to garner any meaning from it without success. My mind was racing elsewhere, my heart beating quickly with exultant dread. So he had gone to prepare whatever exorbitant Valentine’s Day surprise he had planned. As fate would have it, this holiday had arrived on a school day and would provide a public audience to witness the surely over-the-top display Edward had planned for me.

Edward’s obsession with making the most of my human experiences had only intensified since reaching our compromise for Carlisle to turn me after my impending high school graduation. Christmas had been a deluge of cheer and merriment thanks to Alice, who was overcompensating for lost time with me – while also, just being Alice. I was still convinced it hadn’t snowed quite as much as she’d wanted and she had somehow managed a snow machine to fill in my yard for Christmas morning. Alice had laughed off my assumptions as absurd, but Charlie was still trying to work out how our yard had had a good three feet more snow than the rest of our neighborhood.

The halls had certainly been decked in Cullen home, too. It had to be visible from space from the sheer amount of Christmas lights neatly hung on every eave and railing. For the entire month of December, the house smelled of fresh gingerbread and pine. Every surface had been transformed with fresh garlands and shiny decorations. The fireplace in the grand living room was constantly crackling a gentle fire, flickering its light against the enormous tree trimmed with ornaments gathered over the many decades of Christmases past. And the gifts – oh – I couldn’t even bring myself to continue the thought.

I was brought back to reality, the sweet valentine in my shaking hand. I took a staggered breath and made a passing glance at the clock as I rushed to the bathroom. I tried not to think about the day ahead as I dressed. Charlie had already left for the station and the rest of my morning at home seemed to move in a blur of anxiety. I stumbled out the door in a black turtleneck, jeans, bean boots, and my mustard yellow coat. I thought my very standard attire might signal Edward to my disinterest in any outlandish public displays of affection. I drove slowly to Forks High School through the rain muddled snow. My truck dredged through the sludge into the parking spot beside the familiar silver Volvo.

The parking lot was already full and busy with the usual Friday commotion. I looked out my rearview mirror to take in the pops of pink and red from the Valentine’s baubles that everyone seemed to be toting. I had always found the holiday rather arbitrary – a well-marketed event to boost the sales of chocolates and flowers. Until my mother had found Phil, Valentine’s Day was usually spent in front of the television with a pint of ice cream, two spoons, and a chick-flick. I was trying to remember the last Valentine’s Day movie my mom and I had watched together when a quick knock on my driver’s side window snapped my eyes from my rearview.

The morning’s panic melted from my bones as I took him in. Edward was standing there, my favorite crooked smile on his lips, a single and perfect red rose held up in his hand.

“Good morning,” he murmured as I opened my door and got to my feet to stand in front of him. “Did you get my Valentine?”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “Tennyson?”

He nodded, a smirk crossing his expression. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

I felt a blush beginning to mark my cheeks and looked down at my feet as he handed me my rose. He moved to rest that now empty hand above my head on the frame of my truck, leaning to tighten the space between us. His free hand swept down my jaw, his gentle fingers stopping below my chin to tilt my head up. He bent down to press his lips to mine, his cool breath sending my delicate humanity into a tailspin. The kiss was, as expected, refined… at first. Unexpectedly, he draped an arm around my body to pull me closer to his frame. He lifted me effortlessly to continue the kiss as my free hand found its way around the base of his neck and into his bronze hair.

When his response became rigid and he began to return my feet to their reluctant ground, I realized I had forgotten to breathe. My legs trembled against the sudden gravity and he steadied me as I took in sharp breaths. He chuckled lightly and shook his head.

“What am I going to do with you?” he teased.

“With any hope, _that,_ again.”

He took a slow step back and smirked, “I do enjoy sweeping you off your feet.”

My head was still spinning as I grabbed my bag from the truck and shut the door behind me. Edward took my right hand as we walked to class, my single rose in the left.

The rest of the day continued on and I was a happy bystander to the couples declaring their love for one another throughout the day. It seemed each period passed with another sudden delivery of roses, large teddy bears, or chocolates. Joyce Lowell in Government received a loud serenade from half of the school’s marching band, her boyfriend, Aaron, the faux-conductor. Each time the door to the classroom opened my heart skipped a beat with the fresh fear that Edward might have some embarrassing demonstration planned. I wasn’t eager to hurt his feelings and so I kept the question from him all day. I had cracked by fifth period when he finally asked, “Why is your heart is thrumming like a hummingbird’s?”

“I’m worried that you have a grand romantic gesture planned,” I took a sharp breath, anxious for his response. My heart rate only increased when he shrugged and walked ahead of me into the classroom.

I was at a loss for words when he chuckled. “Am I not allowed a grand gesture on Valentine’s Day?” Panic rushed through me before he continued in a more serious tone, “Do you honestly believe that my romantic displays are akin to those of someone like Mike Newton?”

His eyes glanced down at the trinkets gathered in my arms. I thought this tradition had been left in elementary school, but it seemed my friends still enjoyed giving each other Valentine’s treats. Jessica and Angela both had given me small paper crafts and chocolates to mark the occasion. Even Tyler and Eric participated, handing out boxes of tiny heart candies.

The only class Edward could not manage to work out to have with me our senior year was math – considering my being in a far lower level than was excusable for him to fail into. This, of course, was the only class I had exclusively with Mike. I had found it funny that it bothered Edward in the slightest; until today, when Mike seized the opportunity to give me a large stuffed bear, a rather huge box of chocolates, and a clearly handmade valentine. All platonically, Mike had assured me, as he was still on-and-off with Jessica and I was still very much Edward’s – _only_ Edward’s.

I shook my head as I fumbled to stack all of my favors onto a pile on my desk, keeping the rose in my hand to tap lightly on the tip of Edward’s nose.

He tilted his brow at my playful gesture. “You have nothing to worry about. I simply have arranged for us to have a night alone. My family have their own Valentine’s Day traditions and we’ll have the house to ourselves. For this one night could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?” he pleaded, unleashing the full force of his eyes on me. “It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you.”

“No,” I shook my head again. “Just you is good.”

The hitch in my tone caught his attention, but he didn’t have a chance to respond. Mr. Banner began lecturing on optics and light. I couldn’t focus on Physics; I could only hear Edward’s methodic voice repeating ‘I need to be with you’ again and again. Each passing thought brought a new blush to my cheeks that I tried to hide behind a curtain of my hair. I was sure he could hear my fluttering heart, but I couldn’t focus on that either. I was entirely clouded with thoughts of him. I stared at his strong hands, folded together in front of him on the table. How I imagined them on my body a million times, his cold fingertips grazing over my bare skin in the places he refused to wander. It was all I could think of the rest of the day.

When I was back in my room, a different blur of anxiety plagued me than when I had left it in the morning. Edward and I went our separate ways after school. He had filled me in on how exactly he had planned to handle the issue of Charlie. My father was still learning to trust me again and another night out of the house was certainly going to come under some heavy interrogation. I was technically still grounded even though Edward had been following Charlie’s very strict rules to a perfect degree. I was sure that Charlie hadn’t missed the fact that it was Valentine’s Day and I could only imagine the things he would think Edward and I would be doing if left alone. I was pressing the subject when Edward said, “Esme spoke with Charlie today and let him know that Carlisle is taking my brothers and I on a long-promised camping trip. You’ll be having a girls’ night with Esme, Alice, and Rosalie, as Charlie knows it. He’s been hoping you’d be spending more time with Alice soon.”

I felt a twinge of guilt for all the lying that had to be done to protect Charlie. This lie was much less to protect him from the perils of life threatening vampire attacks and much more about protecting him from the thought of his teenage daughter being alone with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. The guilt subsided when I remembered that I would get to be alone with Edward.

I stood in my room, hands steadying me on my dresser, knees shaking from the anticipation. The mix of emotions kept wracking me in waves. Edward had made it very clear; we could not be together physically until I was changed. My safety, was not something he was willing to jeopardize to satisfy any desire – which, to his credit, was entirely the reason I was alive. It was difficult to argue with Edward on that fact, but it was so incredibly difficult to argue with my own desires, still. And yet, I felt foolish all the same. I was so intensely human. Though he’d told me many times that he felt the same way for me, I knew he couldn’t possibly lust for me the way I did for him. I was able to reason that point logically, but part of me questioned it in this moment. Had he changed his mind?

I knew what was waiting for me at the Cullens’. It hadn’t been much more than a month since the last time I had genuinely spent the night there for a ‘girls’ night.’ Edward didn’t want me anywhere near Jacob and so Edward had been avoiding distant hunting trips to keep a close watch on me. Alice was all too eager to babysit to allow Edward a satiating hunt; it left me free to be played with as if I were her life-sized doll. That wasn’t what I was fixated on now. The image of the intricate wrought-iron bed burned in my mind. The thought of Edward and I wrapped tenderly in its golden threads made me quiver again, a sigh escaping my lips.

A knock at the front door made my heart stutter. I heard Charlie gather himself up off the couch to get the door. I stopped listening and only heard the light murmur of greetings as I rushed to find something appropriate to wear. What kind of outfit were you supposed to put together to seduce your vampire boyfriend? I was clashing hangers together across the pole, a bit frantic, when I heard her behind me.

Alice shook her head. “You look like you need to sit down. Let me handle this,” she said.

I decided it was better not to argue with her. I was, in all fairness, a mess, and there was only so much harm she could do with my own wardrobe to work with. She confidently pulled my small duffle from the top shelf of my closet and began packing things without truly looking at them. She had already seen what she would need.

I was sitting in my rocking chair when she looked back to me, still absently packing my bag. She looked like she was waiting for me to say something, but I swallowed uncomfortably rather than working up the nerve to talk.

She cast me a sympathetic smile as she removed something from my closet and tossed it toward me. “Try this,” she said.

I stood to change into the hyacinth blue sweater Alice had given it to me as a Christmas gift. Unlike many of the other fashion pieces Alice had tried to dress me in, I did like it. It was soft, probably a thin cashmere, with a plunging V neckline. It fit my frame tightly and was flattering in a way that I couldn’t justify being embarrassed by. She moved to my dresser then, digging through the very bottom drawer to pull out a short skirt she had also gifted me that I was not particularly fond of. Before I could argue, she slung it onto the bed.

“Work with me here, Bella,” she said sternly.

I pulled on the black skirt without a fight. Alice finished off my outfit with a pair of expensive black leather boots.

“And those were a gift from Esme, before you think of disputing them,” she lectured.

“No, I like them. At least they’re covering more of my skin,” I said, zipping them up.

Alice peaked her eyebrows, a smirk budding on her face as she closed my bag. I felt the rush of blood on my complexion again. “Alice – “

“Come on, let’s go before you lose it,” she said quickly, pulling my hand and leading me out of my room and down the stairs.

Charlie didn’t bother looking away from the television as we called a quick goodbye to him. Alice carried me through the slush in a movement so brief that I had no time to process it, placing me in the passenger seat of her small yellow Porsche. Forks blurred outside the windows and in the darkness of the car, it was easier for me to talk about what I was getting myself into.

“Does he…” I asked in her direction, not finishing the thought.

“I don’t think I should really say anything, Bella.” She answered, plainly.

“Since when do you keep things to yourself, Alice?”

She chuckled quietly, “Whatever I say now is not going to help. I’m just dropping you off. You’re not the only one with Valentine’s Day plans, you know.”

“That’s not fair,” I complained. “He’s seen whatever you’ve seen. He’s not going into this blind like I am.”

“Oh, yes he is,” she said proudly. “I’ve been careful to stay away from him today – and it’s not quite clear what’s going to happen. You’ve only been growing bolder in the last few hours.”

Bolder? I certainly didn’t feel it. In the light of the dashboard, I saw Alice turn to me as the car began to slow. We were already in the driveway. When the car stopped, I felt a quick breeze from the opening and closing of her door. She had slung my bag over her shoulder quickly before arriving at my door to help me to the porch steps. I doubted even Alice thought I was that uncoordinated to walk a few feet without falling; she was carrying me everywhere to keep the boots safe, I thought. She set me down on the porch and walked ahead of me into the house. I followed her in, confused.

“I thought you said you were just dropping me off?”

We were in the living room when she said, “I am. Edward isn’t here yet. He had an errand to run. He’ll be here soon and we’ll be gone – don’t worry.”

A fresh blush met my cheeks as I locked eyes with the another set in the room. Rosalie was perched on the edge of the sofa, bent over the coffee table arranging what looked like a large photo album. She had small papers and photos scattered all over the table, some in small piles on the floor beside her. She gazed up at me with the come-to-be-expected level of enthusiasm I generally received, but there was a hint of something else in her expression. It caught me by surprise and left me gawking at her silently. Rosalie’s appearance always struck me, but tonight she was especially beautiful. Her tight satin dress was just the perfect shade of red to compliment her equally satin skin, her golden hair a perfect, elegant twist, and her long bare legs crossed in front of her were only further elongated by her strappy, red stilettos. Alice had done her best with me, but I felt myself self-consciously tug at the hem of my skirt.

That inexplicable look that I had caught in Rosalie’s expression seemed to grow stronger as she gauged my assessment of her. A small smile crossed her lips as she looked back to what she was working on and I looked to Alice, who was dancing back down the stairs now. I hadn’t noticed her departure, but she was already redressed in an ensemble that mirrored the glamour of Rosalie’s. Alice bent one leg up behind her, fastening the tiny buckle on the strap of her heel, careful not to bend and crease the fabric on her burgundy slip-dress.

“Alright, Rose. Let’s not keep them waiting any longer.” Alice rolled her eyes at me quickly before Rosalie noticed. Alice had her keys in her tiny hands as she walked my direction to head for the door.

“I will see _you_ tomorrow,” she said with a coy grin.

Rosalie was out the door faster than I could follow. I turned to Alice as she moved at a more mortal pace. “Where are you going?” I asked.

Alice waved as she replied, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Bella!” The door was shut behind her then. I heard the muffled roar of her Porsche as she and Rosalie left me behind. I assumed that I was completely alone then. I was curious to know where they were going, but my mind was busy calculating other worries. I stood in the Cullens’ living room, taking in the sheer silence. The only sound was coming from the low burning fire still crackling dimly in the fireplace. I unlocked my tense limbs to move toward the heat. I stopped briefly to survey Rosalie’s project and flipped through a couple of pages on the bound album.

Were these all valentines? I picked up a few loose papers from the table and skimmed them quickly. It seemed that Rosalie had been collecting notes from her admirers for decades, compiling the highlights in an album with cards dating back to 1929. Some of the earlier letters were from when she was still human, if I wasn’t mistaken. A few authors were brave enough to sign their names, but most were anonymous confessions. I spent more time snooping through Rosalie’s valentines than I should have, but part of me thought that she must have wanted me to see them. Why else would she have left them all here?

I focused myself again and took a seat on the edge of the hearth.

I was glad I had a moment to gather myself and took the opportunity to take a few deep, but unsteady, breaths. Why was I so unnerved? I closed my eyes and tried to summon my buried fantasies of Edward. There I let myself imagine him, pulling me tightly to his chest, letting his lips roam my jaw, my neck, and the dips of my collarbones. What would he look like bare? I’d only been able to guess the parts of him that were always just beyond my reach. I let those thoughts in too, imagining my own fingers tracing patterns around the curves of his muscles. To bring him close to me, skin to skin – the thought alone painted my face in a soft blush. I bit my lip, letting go a full breath I had been holding. I opened my eyes then and immediately found him.

He was standing across the room from me, a statue of indescribable, sculpted beauty, leaning on the wall casually. He had a peaceful expression resting in his features, but his bright golden eyes were burning with something I couldn’t explain. My favorite crooked smile slowly crossed his lips as his eyes seemed to search my body. I blushed more deeply, a decision forming more firmly in my mind.

I loved him, purely, and every ounce of my body and soul ached to be _his._ It was exactly the reason I had asked him to change me himself. I wanted his venom to alter me permanently, his lips on my skin to be the last human sensation I’d ever feel. I wanted to be tangibly his, forever; for Edward to lay claim to me in an absolute and eternal way. If I was his, then he was mine. This desire burned in me more brightly in this moment than it ever had. But there were other human sensations I ached for now. And suddenly, I was sure I was not willing to sacrifice them.

Edward moved slowly across the room to perch in front of me. The height of the hearth and his tall body in a crouch before me, leveled us to be equally face-to-face. As he bent, he balanced a small, thin velvet box on my knees. I made no move to open it, so he chuckled lightly and opened it to reveal a small glittering heart-shaped charm. Even in the dim firelight, the brilliant crystal’s intricate cuts glinted countless sparkling rays of color. It was hung on a silver chain as thin as thread.

He was the first to break the silence.

“It was my mother’s.” He shrugged deprecatingly. “I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I’ve given some to Esme, Alice, and Rosalie throughout the years. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way.” I could feel his eyes on me, but I continued to stare down, not quite ready to speak. “A hand-me-down,” he reminded me sternly. “You said that was allowable.”

“I guess I did say that,” I said in a whisper.

He chuckled at my reluctance. “I thought it was a good representation,” he continued. “It’s hard and cold.” He laughed. “And it throws rainbows in the sunlight.”

“You forgot the most important similarity,” I murmured. “It’s beautiful.”

“My heart is just as silent,” he mused. “And it, too, is yours.”

I offered the box to him and moved to gather my hair away from my neck, turning to the fire. As he moved to clasp the chain around my neck, I said, “Thank you for both.”

His fingers seemed to linger on the skin of my throat as I turned back to face him. Our lips were only inches apart now. I moved my hands to wrap them around his neck.

“No, thank _you._ It’s a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too.” He grinned, flashing his teeth.  
His eyes wandered down to take pride in his accepted gift. I was grateful for the plunging neckline of my sweater when his gaze lingered where the crystal charm hung delicately above my chest. I made a mental note to thank Alice later and took a steadying breath. I began to feel cautiously optimistic. Perhaps getting what I wanted would not be as difficult as I’d expected it to be.

No, of course it was going to be just exactly that difficult. I cleared my throat lightly and braced myself. “Can we discuss something?” I asked. “I’d appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded.”

He hesitated for a moment and returned his eyes to mine. “I’ll give it my best effort,” he agreed, cautious now. He unwrapped my arms from around his neck as he moved to put space between us.

“I’m not breaking any rules here,” I promised. “This is strictly about you and me.”

“Listen to your heart fly,” he murmured. “It’s fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings,” he repeated the analogy he had applied to me earlier in the day. “Are you all right?”

“I’m great,” I said formally. I wondered why I was being so formal.

“Please go on then,” he encouraged.

“Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition.”

“It’s only ridiculous to you. What about it?” He was backing further away from me now.

I leaned closer to him, placing my hands on his knees to keep him near me. “I was wondering… is that open to negotiation?”

Edward frowned, serious now. “I’ve already made the largest concession by far and away – I’ve agreed to take your life against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part.”

“No.” I shook my head, focusing on keeping my face composed. “That part’s a done deal. We’re not discussing that now. I want to hammer out some other details.”

He looked at me suspiciously. “Which details do you mean exactly?”

I hesitated. “Let’s clarify your prerequisites first – _matrimony?”_ I made it sound like a dirty word.

“Yes.” He smiled a wide smile. “To start with.”

The shock spoiled my carefully composed expression. “There’s more?”

“Well,” he said, his face calculating. “If you’re my wife, then what’s mine is yours… So there would be no issue with Dartmouth tuition.”

“Anything else? While you’re already being absurd?”

“ _Time._ I’m finding it quite ephemeral… like it’s slipping through my fingers,” as he spoke, he rose his finger tips to sweep a gentle line over my exposed collarbones.

I shook my head, trying to forget his distracting touch. “No. No time. That’s a deal breaker.”

He sighed longingly. “Just a year or two?”

I refused to give into his burning amber eyes. “What else?”

“That’s it. Unless you’d like to talk cars…”

He grinned widely when I grimaced, then took my hand and began playing with my fingers. “I didn’t realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I’m extremely curious.” His voice was low and soft. The slight edge would have been hard to detect if I hadn’t known it so well.

I paused, staring at his hand on mine. I still didn’t know how to begin. I felt his eyes watching me and I was afraid to look up. The blood began to burn in my face.

His cool hand cupped my cheek. “You’re blushing?” he asked in surprise. I kept my eyes down. “Please, Bella, the suspense is painful.”

I bit my lip.

“Bella.” His tone reproached me now, reminding me that it was hard for him when I kept my thoughts to myself.

“Edward,” I said, nervous, staring at a freckle on my wrist. “There’s something that I want to do before I’m not human anymore.”

He waited for me to continue. I didn’t. My face was hot.

“Whatever you want,” he encouraged, anxious and completely clueless.

“Do you promise?” I muttered, knowing my attempt to trap him with his words was not going to work. But he was unable to resist my coaxing.

“Yes,” he said. I looked up through my lashes to see that his eyes were earnest and confused. “Tell me what you want, and you can have it.”

I couldn’t believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent. I didn’t have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self-conscious.

“You,” I mumbled almost incoherently.

“I’m yours.” He smiled, still oblivious, trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again.

I took a deep breath and leaned closer to him, pressing my lips to his. He kissed me back, bewildered but willing, his lips gentle against mine. I began to slide my hands from his knees, up his thighs and slowly toward his waist. I hadn’t gotten very far when I all but heard the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions, his lips freezing in place.

He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving.

“Be reasonable, Bella.”

“Edward, I –. “ He had cut me off, placing a single finger over my lips to quiet me.

“No.” His face was hard.

I was surprised by my reaction to his dismissal. I raised my hand to swat at his. My action didn’t move him, of course, but he moved his hand from my mouth in response. “You are not going to shush me,” I said sternly. “We’re here discussing terms of an eternity together – marriage and other promises – but _sex?”_ I said the word louder than the rest. “Edward, why can’t we talk about sex?”

He was frozen there, hands at his side, eyes locked on mine. I felt the charge of adrenaline passing quicker than it had come. We sat there for a moment in silence with only my quick breathing and rapid pulse as audio. I shifted my gaze down as the rush subsided. It took me a minute to recognize why I was staring at my freckle again, the blush returning – why my stomach felt uneasy, why there was too much moisture in my eyes, why I suddenly wanted to run from the room.

Rejection washed through me, instinctive and strong.

I knew it was irrational. He’d been very clear on other occasions that my safety was the only factor. Yet I’d never made myself quite so vulnerable before. It was hard to beg for the mercy of an angel.

Edward moved then, bringing his hand up to my chin to pull my face up until I had to look at him again. He scrutinized my face for a long moment while I tried unsuccessfully to twist away from his gaze. His brow furrowed, and his expression became horrified as I continued to fight off the onslaught of water in my eyes.

His other hand rushed to my cheek, his thumb stroking there reassuringly. “You know why I have to say no,” he murmured. “You know that I want you, too.”

“Do you?” I whispered, my voice full of accusation and doubt.

He held my face at my jaw now, his fingers on my neck at the base of my hair. “Of course I do, you beautiful, oversensitive girl.” He laughed once, and then his voice was bleak. “Doesn’t everyone? I feel like there’s a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You’re too desirable for your own good.”

It seemed like he wanted to press on, anxiety flooding him as it had me throughout the day. I took a breath.

“Tell me if I have anything wrong,” I tried to sound detached. “Your demands are _marriage,_ college, more time, and a faster car.”

“Only the first is a demand,” he said taking a breath. “The others are merely requests.”

“And my lone, solitary demand is – “

“Demand?” he interrupted, on edge again.

“Yes, demand.” I said confidently, looping my fingers around his wrists and tugging until he dropped them. I was not going to concede, now that I knew he wanted this as badly as I did. I would have to be brave for the both of us. I kept my gaze locked on his, placing a hand on his chest to request more space between us.

Edward immediately responded, backing up slightly and resting on his knees with room in front of him. Without breaking the contact we had, I slid down so that we were both on our knees. I brought both hands to the collar of his shirt and began to unbutton slowly, never moving my eyes from his.

“Please,” I begged. “There is nothing I want more than you.”

He took a deep breath. I was surprised that it sounded a little unsteady.

“I could kill you,” he whispered.

I had the last button undone then and slid the fabric from his shoulders to the floor. I was gliding my hands down his chest and placing my lips over his heart when I murmured against his skin. “I don’t think you could.”

As I kissed him there, a low sound escaped his lips. A moan? My body ached in a way it never had. I felt electrified. My heart jolted, words tumbling out of my mouth to take advantage of the sudden uncertainty in his eyes. “Please, _try,”_ I pleaded.

His hands were wrapped around my biceps then, his head bent down to bring his lips to my ear, making me shiver. “This is _unbearable._ So many things I’ve wanted to give you – and this is what you demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, refusing you when you plead with me this way?”

“Then don’t refuse,” I suggested breathlessly.

He didn’t respond. I tossed my head back to catch my breath, letting my hair fall down behind me. Edward’s hands still held my arms firmly. _“Please,”_ I tried again.

He bent his head to my neck. “Bella…” He shook his head slowly, but it didn’t feel like denial as his face, his lips, moved back and forth across my throat. It felt more like surrender. My heart sputtered frantically when his lips finally stopped to embrace my skin. The same low sound spilled from my lips now, which seemed to hit Edward with the same electrical shock.

His grip tensed instantly and I was sure he was going to push me away again.

I was wrong.

His lips were on mine, his hands pulling me up to close the space between us. His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. When his hands moved into my hair, I locked my arms around his neck, tightening my hold on him. To my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.

He didn’t stop kissing me. I was the one who had to break away, gasping for air. Even then his lips did not leave my skin, they just moved to my throat. So quickly that I wasn’t even sure how it happened, I was in his arms, his lips still exploring my skin, as we nearly flew through the house. Human velocity was not fast enough for him. We were in his bedroom then, still locked in each other’s arms as he fell onto his back on the bed.

The thrill of victory was a strange high; it made me feel powerful. Brave. My hands weren’t unsteady now and my fingers traced the patterns I had dreamed of a thousand times. He was too beautiful. What was the word he had used? Unbearable – that was it. His beauty was too much to bear…

I was on top of him, our lips pulled together again and moving in heated sync. Edward’s hands were exploring my body. His hands were tight around my waist, straining me closer to him. All I wanted was my skin to be bare against his – his grip made it difficult to reach to remove my sweater, but not impossible. Just as I had my stomach exposed, cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.

His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Stop trying to take your clothes off.”

“Do you want to do that part?” I asked breathlessly.

“Not tonight,” he answered softly. His lips were slower now against my cheek and jaw, all the urgency gone.

“Edward, don’t –,” I started to argue, trying to free my hands and arching my body to mold myself more closely to him.

“I’m not saying no,” he reassured me. “I’m just saying _not tonight.”_

I had never felt frustration this way before. I was restless, eyes wild and questioning on his.

“I wasn’t born yesterday,” he laughed. “Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won’t go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore… you first.”

I exhaled with a loud huff. “I have to marry you first?” I asked in disbelief.

“That’s the deal – take it or leave it. A compromise.” Edward pressed himself to me, urging me to accept his terms. His arms wrapped around me, and he began kissing me in a way that should be illegal. Too persuasive – it was duress, coercion. I tried to keep a clear head… and failed quickly and absolutely.

“How did this happen?” I moaned, and not in a good way. “I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden – “

“You’re engaged,” he finished.

“Edward, no.” I objected.

“Are you going back on your word?” he demanded. He pulled back to read my face. His expression was entertained. He was having fun.

I glared at him, trying to ignore the way his smile made my heart react.

“Are you?” he pressed.

“No,” I groaned. “No. I’m not. I just need time to think. I can’t think right now – give me some time to think.”

He kissed me again quickly. Another too persuasive kiss.

“Take all the time you need.”

He kissed me another time. “Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?” he laughed. “Traditionally, shouldn’t you be arguing my side, and I yours?”

“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.”

Neither of us would surrender in this moment – that was clear. But there were compromises that were pending on the horizon. And, if nothing, I had this night to service my fantasies for awhile. I bit my lip and chuckled.

“I’m curious,” I sighed. “What exactly _did_ you have planned for tonight?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he was up and out of the bed, a hand extended toward me.

I let out my last sigh of contest and threw my hands down on the bed to heave myself up. Edward laughed to himself as I slid to the edge of the bed and stood. I fidgeted in my sweater and straightened my skirt as I walked toward him. I took his hand and noticed him taking in my figure again.

I raised a brow. “Did you want to get back in bed?”

Edward chuckled again, shaking his head. “No, but please do remind me to thank Alice in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes as he led me from his bedroom and into the rest of our romantic evening alone.


	2. Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Context: The timeline of this story edits the original canon, meaning the breakup in New Moon and subsequent recoupling happens earlier, allowing the pair to be reunited in time to spend both the Christmas holiday season together and Valentine’s Day. This is before the events are set in motion for the vampire army attack in Eclipse. This scene addresses topics that are included differently throughout the series and changes the original canon and characterization of Edward as a 109-year-old virgin. In this, I have used direct quotes from Meyer’s novel, and I do not claim to own that content in any way. As stated, this is purely for fun and to share with my fellow Twilight fans.

The days, weeks, and months that had passed since Valentine’s Day seemed to drag on. Since then, Edward had taken every opportunity he could to sexually frustrate me. I was sure he was having immeasurable fun torturing me. Though, I knew that wasn’t his intention; his game was coercion. After countless kisses, touches, and breathless moments, he would always ask, “Have you had enough?”

I kept struggling to reply with some witty response, seeing as my brain was quickly becoming nothing more than scrambled eggs. Of course, I knew what he was asking; was I ready to give into _his_ demands to address my own? Was I ready to say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’ to his proposal… his _marriage_ proposal. I made the word sound dirty, even in my head.

Each time he’d ask, his voice course velvet, a rushed whisper in my ear as I gasped for air, I immediately wanted to surrender. Every passing kiss made me weaker and continued to wear me down. The icy touch of his hands, his lips, continued to chip away at my stubborn resolve. Somehow, I had managed to last into the spring – and summer was quickly approaching. Edward had agreed that prom wasn’t necessary a second time, if I truly objected.

“You have enough to torture me with without dragging me to prom,” I muttered.

“Torture?” he smirked, running a cool finger over my lips. “I wasn’t aware you were in pain.”

I struggled to steady my pulse and shook my head. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

He shrugged as he moved to focus his eyes back on the road blurring past us. We were still following Charlie’s strict rules; Edward hadn’t picked up on any resolve in Charlie’s mind to end my grounding anytime soon either. On Mondays after school, Edward dropped me off at the police station rather than at the house where – because of Charlie’s schedule – we would otherwise have an hour or two of unchaperoned time. Edward would have to leave me at the station while Charlie finished off his shift. Before the events that transpired on Valentine’s Day, the time I was forced to spend at Charlie’s desk was mind-numbing. Since then, it had more or less become the only place I could catch my breath. I was doing all of my heavy thinking there, staring blankly at the striped patterns in the oak of the table.

It wasn’t only Edward I had to think about either. My life – human – was quickly coming to a head and I had plenty of loose ends that needed tying up. Jacob, being the biggest and most difficult. Jacob’s words from the last time we had seen each other months ago still burned in my mind.

“You’d be better off dead. I’d rather you were,” he’d said through gritted teeth.

The sound of it ringing in my head sent a shiver through me and I clamped my teeth down in anger. Edward turned to me then and raised the heat in the car.

“Are you cold?” he asked. We were pulling into the station’s lot. “I can give you my jacket,” he began pulling it off.

I shook my head, “No, I’m fine.” He could tell from my tone that I was lying. He didn’t have a chance to question me further since Charlie was already at my door and pulling it open for me.

“Hey, Dad,” I said, gratitude soaking my words. For once, Charlie had impeccable timing. “Done already?”

Charlie nodded, taking my school bag over his shoulder. “I thought I’d give you the night off and take you to the diner.”

“Sounds good.”

I was walking to the passenger door of the cruiser where Edward was already waiting.

Charlie looked to Edward with a grimace. He tried to wipe it from his expression before he asked, “You coming, too, Edward?”

Edward smiled and declined politely, opening my door for me. I wasn’t paying attention to their small-talk, I was still reeling from the thought of Jacob’s words when Edward caught my attention again.

“Oh, Bella, my parents wanted to remind you about the airline ticket that you got for your birthday.”

I looked up at him confused.

Charlie’s eyes were big. “What airline ticket?”

“A roundtrip ticket to see Mom in Florida…” I answered.

“Well, that was generous,” Charlie said flatly.

Edward took the opportunity to chime in again, adding, “It expires soon, so you might want to use it this weekend.”

I protested quickly, “I can’t just drop everything and go.”

Edward looked at me earnestly. “It might be your last chance to see her before you graduate.”

I stared at him frozen, realizing the meaning behind his words. Time was really running thin.

“It might not be a bad idea. Get out of town for a few days… get some distance…” Charlie trailed off.

I turned to him then, realizing the meaning behind _his_ words. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind seeing Mom. As long as you use the companion ticket,” I said to Edward.

“Two tickets?” Charlie’s face turned red as he held in his breath. His eyes darted between Edward and me. He let out a deep breath and said, “Super… that makes me really happy.”

Edward grinned widely as Charlie and I both moved to get into the cruiser. As Edward closed my door, he said, “I’ll make the arrangements then. Enjoy your dinner.”

As we drove toward the diner, Charlie tried to keep his composure. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel. We were both angry for different reasons and the atmosphere in the car was churning with the silence. Finally, Charlie broke the tension with a loud huff.

“You’re not going anywhere with him, young lady!” he yelled.

The anger I was already feeling surged harder at his harsh tone. “I am not a child! Do I need to remind you that I’m a legal adult, Charlie?”

“You’re still grounded! You’re still under my roof – you follow my rules!”

My tone turned icy. “If that’s how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?”

Charlie’s face turned a bright red. We were at the only stoplight in Forks, waiting for the light to change to green. Charlie’s face was slowly paling back to white and my instant guilt for having played the move-out card calmed me quickly.

I took a deep breath and tried to make my tone more reasonable. “I’ll do my time without complaining, but I know that you know that I have every right to see Mom for the weekend. You can’t honestly tell me you’d object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela.”

“Girls,” he grunted, with a nod.

“Would it bother you if I took Jacob?”

I knew my father’s obvious preference for Jacob would tie his hands. Charlie struggled to compose himself before he answered. “Yes,” he said in an unconvincing voice. “That would bother me.”

“You’re a rotten liar, Dad.”

“Bella – “

“It’s not like I’m headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl. I’m going to see _Mom,”_ I reminded him. “She’s just as much my parental authority as you are.”

He threw me a withering look.

“Are you implying something about Mom’s ability to look after me?”

Charlie flinched at the threat implicit in my question.

“You’d better hope I don’t mention this to her,” I said.

“You’d better not,” he warned. “I’m not happy about this, Bella.”

“There’s no reason for you to be upset.”

He rolled his eyes, but I could tell the storm was over. We didn’t speak again until we were seated at the diner. We had already ordered and were waiting for the food to arrive when he broke the silence again.

“There was a reason I wanted to take dinner off your hands,” he admitted. He wasn’t looking at me as he spoke. “I thought it would soften you up… I wanted to talk to you.”

I looked at Charlie, and laughed once. “Good timing,” I joked. “What do you need, Dad?”

“Well, it’s about Jacob.” He was looking at me now to gauge my expression.

I felt my face harden. “What about him?”

“Easy, Bells. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

I looked at him, waiting for him to go on.

“Don’t get mad at me, okay?” He had a weary tone now.

“I’m waiting.”

“Well, it’s about Edward, too.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I’m thinking maybe you deserve a parole for good behavior. For a teenager, you’re amazingly non-whiney.”

My voice shot up, “Where is this coming from?” We had quite literally just rolled out of a rather large argument. The only argument we had had in a long time.

“I’ve been thinking… I’m hoping that you use your freedom… judiciously.” Charlie said cautiously. “I know you’re satisfied to spend all of your time with Edward – “

“I spend time with Alice, too,” I interjected. Charlie was putty in her capable hands.

“That may be true,” he said. “But you have other friends besides the Cullens, Bella. Or you _used_ to.”

I knew where he was going with this. “I saw Jacob a few months ago. I’m sure you heard from Billy.”

He looked at his hands. “I know you two had a falling out, and Jacob’s been feeling just terrible about it. You two used to be joined at the hip, and now – “

I cut him off. “Can you get to the point, Dad? What are you trying to say? I’m only un-grounded if I see Jacob?”

“I don’t want to make this complicated. I don’t think you should dump all your other friends for your boyfriend, Bella,” he said in a stern voice. “It’s not nice, and I think your life would be better balanced if you kept some other people in it.”

“Jacob is difficult, Dad.” I said plainly. “Friendship doesn’t always seem to be enough for Jake.” I wound my excuse out of details that were true but insignificant in comparison of the other hurdles our relationship faced.

Charlie laughed for the first time. “Isn’t Edward up for a little healthy competition?”

I leveled a dark look at him. “There is no competition.”

The delivery of our meals interrupted our conversation. We came to terms as we ate. I was free, so long as I made time for my school friends. It was implied that the terms stipulated that I should make an effort to see Jacob again, though I just nodded along. I wasn’t going to jeopardize my release by squabbling over the details. We talked about my acceptance to the University of Alaska – and Edward’s – and then we both quickly tried to steer clear of that topic. Charlie and I made small-talk the rest of the evening. Once we were back home, I wasted no time in grabbing the keys to my truck and heading back for the front door. Charlie didn’t even have his jacket hung up.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m not grounded – I’m going out. I’ll be back before ten-thirty.”

“Wait – Bells,” he said, urgency in his tone. I stood there, my hand on the doorknob waiting.

“There’s something I need to say.” He frowned, looking very uncomfortable.

I sighed. “More of _this,_ Dad?”

“I’m not good at this kind of thing, Bella.” His expression was pleading.

I sighed and took my hand off the door and followed him into the living room where he paced back and forth behind the couch. I stood in the doorway by the stairs, waiting for him to start again.

“Here’s the thing…” he trailed. “You and Edward seem pretty serious, and there are some things that you need to be careful about. I know you’re an adult now, but you’re still young, Bella, and there are a lot of important things you need to know when you… well, when you’re physically involved with – “

“Oh, please, _please_ no!” I begged, throwing my hands to my now red cheeks. “Please tell me you’re not trying to have _the talk_ with me, Charlie.”

His face was red, too, but he pushed on. His tone was serious, louder. “I am your father. I have responsibilities.”

“Dad, Mom beat you to the punch about ten years ago. You’re off the hook!”

“You didn’t have a boyfriend ten years ago,” he replied.

I rebutted quickly. “I’m sure things still… work the same way.” The headlights of a car pulling up in front of the house distracted us both for a second. I saw Edward’s Volvo through the glass of the front windows.

Charlie rushed to get out everything he needed to then. “Just tell me that you two are being careful,” he pled.

“Don’t worry, Dad,” I said, my voice high, laughing awkwardly. “Edward is very old-fashioned.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Sure he is. What, is that code for something?”

I cringed into the doorframe and clenched my hands into fists. “Ugh!” I groaned. “I really wish you were not forcing me to say this out loud, Dad. Really. But… I’m a virgin, okay?”

Then we both cringed. But Charlie seemed to believe me, making unintelligible sounds as he waved his hands at me. “Alright, alright, alright,” he muttered, turning away.

“Glad we covered that,” I turned, too. “See you later.”

I trudged out into the rain and got into the passenger seat of the Volvo as quickly as I could, eager to put as much distance between Charlie and myself as possible. Edward didn’t say anything and I was still too busy battling the embarrassment to look at him. He started driving in the direction of his house. I assumed he had seen enough through Alice to time his arrival. The thought made my face an even deeper shade of red. I had been riding a rollercoaster of emotions all day and the pent-up frustration was beginning to take a toll. I couldn’t contain myself.

“You threw me to the sharks!” I blurted out.

Edward had his lips pressed in a hard line. “I don’t think you were in any danger.”

“Edward – that was – “ I couldn’t verbalize the feeling appropriately.

He reached out to touch my cheek and I recoiled. The surprise was apparent on his expression. As a rule, I never refused his touch.

“Don’t you try anything with me tonight,” I scolded. “I’ve been through enough today – I don’t need any teasing from you now!”

“Teasing?” he questioned, confused.

“Yes, teasing,” I said curtly. “I can’t handle anymore of it. If you don’t stop toying with me, I’m going to combust!”

He chuckled then, running his hand through his tousled bronze hair. “Torture, teasing,” he sighed. “You’re suffering are you?”

“You know I am,” I huffed. “It may be nothing for _you,_ but for _me_ – not having you is killing me.”

“Be serious, Bella.” He rolled his eyes.

Edward returned me home by the ten thirty time I’d given to Charlie. I had intended to carry on my conversation with Edward when we got to the Cullens’, but my resolve had suddenly disappeared as we crossed the threshold of the front door. I knew, now that I was no longer under his influence, that Jasper was entirely the reason. Instead, Jasper and I watched Alice and Edward play chess. I hated to admit that I had had a wonderful time. Watching them play was mesmerizing. They’d sat at the board nearly motionless, each only moving one pawn as Alice foresaw the moves Edward would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They had played the game almost entirely in their minds when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It lasted all of three minutes. My subsequent game with Jasper was also not long-lasting. I would have to dedicate myself to chess in my immortal future if I ever hoped to win a game in the near century.

I walked into my bathroom and started to run the water for a bath. I never took baths; they took far too much time away from being alone in my room with Edward. But my day had been robbed of my precious thinking time when I’d needed it most. I knew Edward would be waiting for me in my bed, and so the tub seemed like the best place to gather my thoughts. Jasper had cooled all the rigid emotions, numbed them into nonexistence in our time together. But, alone and far away from him, they were creeping back. It was much easier now than it had been earlier to logically address them. As I turned off the faucet and slipped myself into the steaming water, I began to categorize them one-by-one. But I was still – at my core – a coward, and so I began with the easiest first.

Charlie. Had we really done that much talking? I was sure Charlie and I had shared more words between us in the last six hours than we had in the nearly two years we had lived together. I wondered, if on some unconscious level, he knew he would be losing me soon. My heart ached at the thought of having to leave Charlie to fend for himself. He’d be alone again and that guilt was wearing on me more than I’d wanted to admit. I consoled myself with the knowledge that time did make it easier; when I’d left my mother to move to Forks, I thought I’d never get over the dread and worry I felt. I was sure that Edward served the perfect distraction then as he would when the time came to leave Charlie, too. I reconciled that there were some consequences to my decision that I would have to learn to live with – which brought me to the next difficult thought.

Jacob. Just thinking his name made me angry again, and sad all the same. How could I blame him for how he felt? In so many ways, I’d hurt Jacob worse. I’d always been so selfish when it came to Jacob, and yet, he’d never given up on me. I was the one doing everything wrong – he’d just said _one_ wrong thing, made _one_ mistake. Was what he said truly that bad? I replayed it in my head again.

“You’d be better off dead. I’d rather you were,” he’d said.

Yes, it was that bad. It wasn’t something I was ready to forgive yet and though it felt wrong, I knew that it was better for Jacob if I didn’t forgive him. It meant that he would get some distance from me. Maybe he would have a chance at healing if I could manage to leave him alone. And Edward was certainly good at keeping me clear of Jacob, especially when I didn’t want him to.

All things came back to Edward. And though I was angry with him for stirring up trouble with Charlie, I was more upset about his teasing. I had asked him for time to think about his proposal and it was so incredibly difficult to think with his hands, his lips, his body pressed against mine. I slumped lower in the tub until my knees were up and my shoulders were submerged. It was easier in the warm water to clear the clouding thoughts of his cool skin on mine. The passing months since February had been both the most pleasurable and tortuous I’d ever lived. The worst part was that each time he began to seduce me, I fell right into the trap. Every flirtation ended the same way, and yet, I was always entranced, fully believing that this time, he’d follow through. Edward was the perfect actor, making me believe he wanted me just as badly. Though he’d said time and time again he did want me that way, I knew that wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. I was pitifully human.

I wondered if there was something more to my feelings. Were there some unconscious thoughts that I couldn’t bring myself to come to terms with? It had always been this way; he had always said we couldn’t be together physically. Why was it tormenting me like this now? There was something nagging below the surface of my thoughts, as though there were things I didn’t want to admit, or face. What were they… or who?

Who? My hands were clutching around the edges of the tub. It was obvious now what had been scratching – no clawing – its way to the surface of my mind. The women that plagued every touch and kiss and embrace; the women that had had Edward when I had not. How could I blame him – or them? Edward had over one hundred years on me, moving about the world as the most magnificent, resplendent creature. How could anyone resist the desire to love him?

He had told me once, in the very beginning when I had asked, that he had had female partners in the past. They were all vampires of course, which only made my jealousy burn brighter. I was sure they were all painstakingly beautiful, powerful, and _seductive_. And I was certainly none of those things. Edward never mentioned his past relationships and I was happier living in ignorance. If we never spoke of them, if I never knew the details, then they didn’t exist. It was childish of me to think I could keep these thoughts out forever. I had always clung to the joy of being his, but it was getting harder to ignore the women who had been there before me.

I pulled myself out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my body, barely drying before I was out of the bathroom. Charlie had gone to bed and the house was quiet. I knew Edward would be waiting. I went into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. He was there, stretched across my bed with his arms behind his head. I could see the outline of him in the pale moonlight.

“You’re not dressed?” He asked.

I stood there dripping, small pools forming on the wood floor. “There was something I wanted to ask you.”

“What’s that?”

I crawled up at the foot of bed and sat on my shins. “When I spoke with Rosalie a few months ago…” His body tensed, but I continued. “Edward, I want you to tell me about your…”

He sat up, looking concerned. “I can’t handle the suspense when you do that, Bella.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, still thinking. “Edward, tell me about your _girlfriends._ ”

Only his lips moved as he said, “I have only had one girlfriend, Bella.”

“A technicality,” I sighed. “Your _lovers?”_ I had felt silly using the word ‘girlfriends.’ I felt nearly ill using ‘lovers.’

He seemed to feel the same. “Bella,” he groaned.

“She told me a little bit… about the time your family lived in Denali.”

“It’s too cold for you to sit like this.” He ran a few fingers down my still-wet arm.

I shivered, but ignored him, “She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires… and you.”

He didn’t answer, though I waited for a long moment.

“Which one?” I asked, trying to keep my voice casual, and not quite managing. “Or was there more than one?”

No answer. I wished I could see his face, so I could try to guess what this silence meant.

“Alice will tell me,” I said. “I’ll go ask her right now.”

I was in motion toward my dresser in one moment, the next I was wrapped like a burrito in my heavy quilt and perched in Edward’s lap. He was cradling me like a child, his face so close I could feel his cool breath on my neck.

“It’s late,” he said. His voice had a little edge to it that held something new. Sort of nervous, maybe a little embarrassed.

“Which one?” I insisted.

He sighed. “Tanya.”

“Okay, Tanya,” I said, still trying to sound casual. “Tell me about her.”

“Remind me to thank Rosalie for this,” he sounded exasperated.

“This isn’t about Rosalie,” I said quietly. “I think I should know this part of you.”

We sat quietly for awhile as he stroked my still-wet hair. I decided I would let my words settle in, rather than push on. It was apparently the right choice; he sighed and then began.

“Unlike Carlisle, Tanya and her sisters had discovered their consciences slowly. In the end, it was their fondness for human men that turned them against the slaughter.” Edward thought for a moment about what to say next. I didn’t interrupt him.

“Tanya was the first of her family to discover ‘vegetarianism,’” he chuckled lightly at their private joke. “I was very impressed by Tanya, and in many ways, similarly to how I admire Carlisle for his compassion for human life. It had taken her and her sisters centuries to perfect, but – “

I cut him off. “How old _is_ Tanya?”

Edward shrugged, “Older than Carlisle by about six hundred years, more or less.”

My eyes bulged and Edward laughed.

“Shall I continue?” he asked.

“Go on,” I said, almost inaudibly.

“Our families have only known each other in the last sixty years or so,” he continued. “And we did live together for a short period. In that time, I came to understand that the way Tanya felt for me was not how I felt for her. You see, being surrounded by so many perfectly matched couples was difficult for Tanya. Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, Carmen and Eleazer; Tanya finally felt as though her search had ended. My family supported my decision and we separated.”

I felt a cold shiver run through me and winced. Tanya had suffered the same loss I had, but never received the same resolve I had now. I was cradled in Edward’s arms, the promise of forever in the air; I suddenly felt an overwhelming sadness for her. I tried to keep my voice even as I spoke. “How long were you together?”

“Only a few short years,” Edward said plainly. “Nearly two and a half before I realized how it was hurting her.” I couldn’t imagine the pain she felt – even now. I was trying to balance both my empathy and my jealousy.

“How is she – “ I couldn’t articulate the feeling. “How does she manage seeing you?”

“That was a long time ago now,” he answered. “I admire her her discipline. She cares for Carlisle and our family very deeply. She doesn’t want her actions to impact the happiness of her family.” Edward seemed lost in thought. He wasn’t going to tell me more about Tanya, or any of the others without more pushing on my part.

“Tell me something – what does Tanya look like?”

“Just like the rest of us – white skin, gold eyes,” he answered too quickly.

“And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful.”

I felt him shrug.

“I suppose to human eyes,” he said, indifferent. “You know what?”

“What?” My voice was petulant. It seemed jealousy had tipped the scales over my empathy.

He put his lips right to my ear. “I prefer brunettes.”

“She’s a blonde. That figures,” I sighed.

“Strawberry blonde – not at all my type.”

So he had a type. I thought about that for a while, trying to concentrate as his lips moved slowly along my cheek, down my throat, and back up again. He made the circuit three times before I spoke.

“The others then?” I tried to sound stern.

He sighed in protest, “Bella.”

I didn’t answer. I waited for him to go on.

Edward let out another sigh and surrendered their names quickly. “Diana and Heidi.”

Each one hit me with another blow of jealous rage. I clenched my teeth together and nodded once, signaling him to continue.

“They were both brunettes,” he joked. I was not in the mood.

“Funny, Edward.” I said sharply.

“Hmm,” he whispered against my skin. “You’re quite adorable when you’re jealous. It’s surprisingly enjoyable.”

I scowled into the darkness. “Tell me about them, Edward,” I demanded. “Diana.”

His body tensed when I repeated her name. He pulled me closer then. “I met Diana in 1927, while I was off on my own for a time.”

He seemed lost in thought, and then returned to the story. “Diana made my decision to leave Carlisle easier, less lonely. I felt more rightly justified by the reflection of me she held in her mind. I envied her freedom,” he shook his head.

“It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision,” he continued. “Diana enjoyed her liberties far too much to join me. She was young and impulsive and had left her creator to pursue greater adventures. When she had stumbled upon me in New York, she was delighted by the game my gifts presented. Diana enjoyed the hunt – “ Edward stopped in the middle of his thought, and shook his head again. “It was years before I realized that Diana had a manipulative talent. The lies Diana told, she believed; even her thoughts reflected the lies she presented. I didn’t question her in all the time we spent together.”

I didn’t feel sorry for Diana in the way I did for Tanya. I had a hard time putting a name to the feelings I had for her; I could tell by the way Edward’s voice sounded, he did, too.

“It was a couple decades later that I met, Heidi,” he sighed. “Do I have to continue?”

I nodded, and he pushed on again.

“You’re not going to like this,” he warned.

“I can handle it.”

“Heidi is a member of the Volturi guard,” he said slowly.

“You – “

He held up one finger against my lips. “Do you want to hear the story or not?”

“You can’t spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything.”

He let his hand fall to rest against the side of my neck. He could definitely feel my pulse vibrating. “I’ve met her,” I said in a breath. “Heidi, was there.”

He nodded as I remembered our time in Volterra last summer. I often had dreams of Heidi; the tall, pale, excruciatingly beautiful vampire with the violet eyes and long flowing mahogany hair, leading unsuspecting victims to their death. Their screams would become my screams when I had that dream. I was sure she would haunt my dreams in a new and more terrifying manner than before, now.

“Carlisle was summoned by his friends when Aro had finally heard of my talents,” Edward resumed. “I was young and ignorant to the power of the Volturi. Carlisle had given me plenty of warning, describing the talents of the guard in great detail so that I could maintain my freedom, but Heidi’s talents were complicating…” he trailed off, deep in thought again.

“Aro took my hand at the first opportunity that presented itself,” he remembered. “Aro knew even before that moment that he wanted me. My gifts granted a greater advantage than even his own. He heard in my thoughts that I would never leave Carlisle, and he wasn’t sure if the talents of his guard would be able to sway me, considering my abilities. It was extraordinary, to read back every thought I’d ever had as it passed through Aro. That’s when he discovered Diana.”

A surprised expression crossed over my face, but he carried on. “It happened so quickly after that. Aro invited Heidi into the room and we were introduced. I knew what he was thinking, of course, and I knew of Heidi’s gifts.”

Before I could ask, he answered. “It’s nearly impossible to resist Heidi, if she’s trying to attract you. A Venus flytrap, of sorts. Despite my knowledge and my ability to read Aro’s intentions, I found myself caught. For a few years, Heidi’s sole responsibility was fawning over me.”

I gritted my teeth, imagining Heidi and Edward together.

“We didn’t stay in Volterra,” he continued. “We traveled throughout Europe for a time, but I have to admit, I never truly enjoyed her company. As appealing to me as she was physically – and psychically because of her gifts – I knew she was nothing beyond a distraction for me. What Aro and I both hadn’t counted on was Heidi’s affections growing for me. It was that affection that ultimately set me free. Heidi had wanted me to fall for her the way she had for me, without the influence of her talent to seduce me. It was simple, then, to express to her, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return those feelings. I was able to return to my family and she, her’s.”

I had a hard time processing it all. We sat in silence as I tried to decide if this had really helped me the way I thought it would. It mostly felt as though I was tumbling down a spiral staircase, various malicious emotions hitting me on each riser on the way down.

“It’s late,” he said again once the silence had become blaring.

I had finally decided what I needed to say then. “Why are you forcing me to wait? Torturing me with it when you’ve already – “

He cut me off, “I’m not forcing anything on you, Bella. I swear to you, we _will_ try. After you marry me.”

I shook my head, “You didn’t care about that with the others!”

“Of course I didn’t,” he laughed. His voice was serious again and he moved to face me. I could see him now in the dim light. “Bella, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, don’t you see that? I only want an eternity if it’s with _you.”_

I was beginning to thaw. His golden eyes had a tendency to do that when he combined the full force of them with elegant words. “Why is this so important to you, Edward?”

He looked into my eyes more deeply. “You have a shot, Bella, at heaven, or whatever there is after this life. I will protect that with everything I am. Now, there’s a world full of dissention about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed.”

“Vampire rules aren’t enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?”

“It couldn’t hurt,” He shrugged. “Just in case.”

I stared at him, my expression empty.

“Now, of course, it may be too late for me, even if you are right about my having a soul.”

“No, it isn’t,” I argued angrily. “And I am right.”

“’Thou shalt not kill’ is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I’ve killed a lot of people, Bella.”

“Only the bad ones,” I said quietly.

He shrugged. “Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn’t. But you haven’t killed anyone – “

“That _you_ know about,” I muttered.

He smiled, but otherwise ignored the interruption.

“I’m going to do my best to keep you out of temptation’s way.”

“We aren’t arguing over committing murder,” I reminded him.

“The same principle applies to your virtue.”

“My _virtue?”_ I scoffed, struggling to keep back any loud laughter that might wake up Charlie. The word was so antiquated, old-fashioned.

He was still serious. “Bella, I’ve broken every rule and have an eternity ahead of me to argue the consequences. If I can save you the suffering, I will.”

“Every rule?” I asked.

“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted… I’ve left no stone unturned.” He grinned crookedly.

“I lie all the time.”

“You’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t count. Nobody believes you.”

I glanced in the direction of Charlie’s room, where he was blissfully sleeping, unaware of everything surrounding my life.

“Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He’d rather lie to himself than look to closely.”

I tried to let that go. “But what did you ever covet?” I asked doubtfully. “You have everything.”

“I coveted you.” His smile darkened. “I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what’s become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire.” He shook his head in mock horror.

“You can’t covet what’s already yours,” I informed him. “So this is only about my virtue?”

It was comforting to know that he was only prolonging our being together because he valued me above all others. Though every cell in my body was begging for him to change his mind, to make me his in every imaginable way, I decided he was making a greater statement by committing himself to me, first. I had never thought of marriage as a permanent or important pledge, but I had to admit, it was beginning to sound more appealing.

He nodded, “If it’s too late for me… Well, I’ll be damned if I’ll let them keep you out, too.”

“You can’t make me go somewhere you won’t be,” I vowed. “That’s my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let’s never die.”

“Sounds simple enough,” he laughed, pulling me tighter to his chest. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry sigh.

“So that’s it then. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married.”

“Technically, I can’t ever _sleep_ with you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Very mature, Edward.”

“But, other than that detail, yes, you’ve got it right.”

“I think you have an ulterior motive.”

His eyes widened innocently. “Another one?”

“You know this will speed things up,” I accused.

He tried not to smile. “There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever… but for that, it’s true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point.”

I wouldn’t give him a ‘yes’ that night. I was promised as much time to think about my reply as I needed. I wasn’t ready to face the fact that I was going to be getting married this summer. I shuddered and looked toward my dresser. I was still wrapped in a towel under the heavy quilt. He kissed me quickly before leaving the room to give me an opportunity to dress myself. While he was gone, I thought of the women Edward had left in his wake. He had told me how simple it was, matter-of-fact, to leave them each behind. I remembered when I thought he had left me that way, the feeling leaving me hollow for a second, making me lean on the dresser for support. The rage I had felt earlier, the jealousy and doubt, had turned to pity. Edward would marry _me,_ change _me,_ be with _me,_ forever. They would never belong to him the way I would.

When I was dressed and back in his arms in my bed, we shared a deep and passionate kiss. He was murmuring, almost crooning, his voice smoother than silk as he spoke against my lips. “Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love.”

He started to hum my lullaby, and I knew it was only a matter of time until I succumbed. I closed my eyes and snuggled closer into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> littlediable and I have come together to bring you the smut you never dreamed Edward Cullen capable of. A co-written three-part series, born from this short story, detailing the love affairs of Edward before Bella, because there are no 104-year-old virgins in this house. You can read those stories of Edward and Tanya, Diana, and Heidi here on ao3 under my work titled 'Conflict of Interests.'
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Twilight Saga world, which is trademarked by Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown Books. All characters referenced are owned by Stephenie Meyer, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the Twilight Saga. The story told here is of my own invention. This story is for entertainment only – fun – and is not part of the official story line. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for the creation of these characters and I in no way am profiting from the creation and publication of this story. Some lines are directly quoted from Meyer’s book, Eclipse, and I do not claim to own Meyer’s words.
> 
> References:  
> Meyer, Stephenie. Eclipse. Little, Brown, 2013.  
> Meyer, Stephenie. Midnight Sun. Little, Brown, 2020.


	3. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This "chapter" is the flashback to Christmas that was mentioned briefly in the earlier Chapter 1. This story is mostly a collection of moments that are being replaced on the Twilight timeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Context: This “tell me more” comes as an anon request to spread holiday cheer and share more about the Christmas Bella spent with the Cullens before she was turned.

“Bella!” Charlie’s voice was loud and his footsteps pounding down the hall were even louder. I sat up in my bed in a futile attempt to warn Edward. It was a silly and needless instinct. My eyes were still adjusting as Charlie swung open my door and came flying into my room. He didn’t bother looking at me as he continued to the window.

“Bella, look!” He said, an awe to his tone I’d never heard before. “There’s so much snow I can barely open the front door!”

It was oddly bright in my room, I thought. I stumbled over the bed to join Charlie at the window and looked out over the frosted scene. I had to squint to take it in, and not because I was still groggy; the mountains of white covering the yard were glistening in the rare morning sunlight. There was an even blanket on our street, on the neighbor’s houses and on their cars and fences. Their Christmas lights, still on since the morning was in its very early hours, were casting faint colors across the pristine snowfall. Charlie was muttering something to himself about not hearing about a snowstorm when I realized what he was really going on about. My eyes finally settled on _our_ yard and I instantly caught the drastic difference.

My truck was completely hidden by a thick mountain of snow and only the red and blue lights atop Charlie’s cruiser were poking out of a matching pile. The pavement and grass were completely forgotten, covered with an immeasurable amount of snowfall. I was sure the entire house was coated. It was too much. Much too much. I grumbled Alice’s name under my breath and Charlie turned to me.

“What?” His eyes had a childlike intensity. It was an unfamiliar excitement I’d never seen on Charlie. For a moment, I felt like I was looking at the man my mother had known.

I shook my head, coloring my words with disbelief. “Amazing,” I answered.

He nodded and looked back out the window. “Sure is.”

A warm feeling washed over me as I watched Charlie look out over the snow, a smile crossing his face where a smile hadn’t been for some time. The guilt I felt for being the reason for his worries didn’t cloud me now.

“Merry Christmas, Dad,” I said.

“Merry Christmas, Bells.”

Charlie crossed his arms then and looked at me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to drag you out of bed this early.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s okay. I’ll come down in a minute and get breakfast started.”

He nodded and started for the door. I waited for Charlie’s last steps at the bottom of the stairs before I shut my bedroom door and turned back.

Edward was sitting in my rocking chair, idly rocking as though he had been there the whole time. A coy smile spread on his lips as he opened his arms to me. I rushed across the room and sat in his lap quickly. He continued to rock as I clung to him tightly, his cold skin sending a shiver through me.

He chuckled lightly, “I wasn’t far.”

“Still,” I sighed. “I’d rather you were in my arms.”

He squeezed me tighter for a moment and hummed in agreement. We were both still recovering from the months apart and my heart ached whenever I was reminded of his absence. No matter how brief any moment of separation was brought between us, that pain began to creep back. His touch was the only relief for it now. I moved to face him and his golden eyes glistened with that same childlike glint I’d seen in Charlie’s. Edward’s skin wasn’t sparkling exactly, but the reflection of the white snow bounced off his skin in a gentle glow. His beauty stunned me —dazzled me— when he smiled my favorite crooked smile. My heart stuttered and he chuckled again, bending his head down to kiss me.

He brought one cool hand to cup my face as he brought our lips together. I was in a frenzy immediately. I locked my hands locked in his bronze hair. My body curved to his and Edward laughed on my lips, “Bella…”

I shook my head, refusing to move, soaking in the last seconds of pure pleasure before he removed me from himself. He continued to laugh lightly as I struggled to catch my breath. When I finally did, I let out a long sigh. He cradled me closer to him and I rested my head on his chest. We rocked for a bit as he stroked my hair.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered gently.

I smiled. “Merry Christmas.”

I snapped my head up then to look at him, a serious expression crossing my face. “You know, if you’re trying to pull off this whole ‘we’re all regular humans, nothing to see here’ routine, you might want to stop Alice from decorating my house with unbelievable amounts of snow. One of these days, someone is going to catch on.”

Edward bit his lip, fighting a smile. “Bella, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I cocked my head to the side and rolled my eyes. “Please, Edward.”

He smiled, but didn’t reply, running a hand through his tousled hair. I wasn’t in the mood to coax the truth out of him, anyway. I was still enjoying the glimmer in his eye. I liked the way the holiday seemed to lighten his mood. I had never really felt that ‘Christmas morning’ feeling before. My mother did try for a few years to keep up the Santa charade, but her terrible planning skills and lack of outside childcare meant that I was often shopping with her for the gifts that would be under the tree – if we had gotten a tree at all. By the time I was older, we had a fake tree that plugged in and we usually managed to get it up by Christmas Eve. The desert climate of Arizona never helped build up my Christmas spirit, either.

“Charlie is waiting for you,” Edward said quietly, motioning his head toward the door.

I nodded, but didn’t make any moves to leave. “What time will you be back?”

He smiled, “Eleven.”

I counted the hours in my head. They were going to be difficult, but not impossible. I would be busy with Charlie. Edward stood me up and kissed me quickly before ducking out my window. I didn’t bother dressing since Charlie had gone down in his pajamas. I figured we were playing it by ear, making our own Christmas morning traditions as we went.

I put the biscuits in the oven that I had laid out the night before —Grandma Swan’s recipe— and made eggs and bacon. Charlie and I sat in the living room, eating at the coffee table to enjoy the fire he had made. Our small tree in the corner had a few small presents wrapped below it. Charlie put the radio on to a Christmas classics station and it murmured softly in the background as we carried on light conversation. I was surprised at how simple it was to spend time together like this.

When we had finished, I carried the dishes to the kitchen and Charlie followed me. I washed the dishes while he clamored around behind me. He finished making us hot chocolate by the time I had finished the dishes. I tried to keep myself composed when he asked me if I wanted little marshmallows in mine. I was still not used to being looked after; I knew he was traditionally supposed to be the one doing the nurturing, but all my years at home with my mother had my priorities mixed up.

“Alright,” Charlie said, handing me my mug. “Present time.”

I followed him into the living room again and sat on the floor by the hearth of the fireplace. We both grabbed a gift from under the tree and exchanged them.

“This one is from your mom,” he said, passing me a poorly wrapped square. “I think it got smashed in the mail.”

I chuckled, knowing it hadn’t. Mom had never been great with gift wrap.

Opening gifts didn’t take very long between the two of us. Charlie was excited about his new fly-fishing set that Edward helped me pick out —having a boyfriend with mind-reading capabilities came in handy around Christmas. And because I had gotten a decent employee discount on it from Newton’s, I was still able to afford the ridiculously expensive down jacket that Alice insisted he would love. From what I could tell from his reaction, he did.

My mom sent me a rather eclectic set of wind chimes constructed of sea glass and shells, and Phil sent along a couple of CDs he thought I’d like. Charlie gave me a knit scarf and pair of bean boots, which I knew were rather expensive. Had he noticed my rain boots were looking weathered? He also gave me some cash with the hope that I’d get myself a couple new books. Again, I fought to beat back the emotions I knew both Charlie and I were not comfortable sharing.

We sat in the living room for awhile, both admiring our new gifts, until the clock chimed at ten. I got up from the floor then and excused myself to get dressed. I took a quick shower and dried my hair, trying to put myself together for whatever was going to be happening at the Cullens. I was sure it was going to be completely different from my morning with Charlie.

I was dressed in a white turtleneck, jeans, and my new boots by the time Edward was at the door promptly at eleven. Charlie was already dressed and at the door before I could get down the stairs.

“Merry Christmas, Charlie,” Edward smiled brightly. He was dressed in a soft beige sweater, the kind with a small zipper at the neck, the collar standing up. The collar of a white button-up was peaking through and he had a hand tucked into the pocket of his dark jeans. I was beginning to believe in Christmas miracles.

“Merry Christmas, Edward,” Charlie grumbled back. Charlie was still entirely against the idea of Edward being around, and I was still very much grounded for running out on Charlie for the second time for an Edward related incident. But we were still following the rules of my curfew, even on Christmas. To be fair, Charlie was being very gracious about me spending part of the day with the Cullens – and allowing Edward to join Charlie and I for dinner. I also knew that Charlie would be going out to La Push to see Billy while I was gone, and that was a place I wasn’t entirely comfortable going at the present moment.

Edward and I faked our greetings as we followed Charlie into the living room. Edward took his usual seat in the armchair, forcing Charlie and I to sit together on the sofa. We all made small-talk for awhile until I broke it up. Edward gave Charlie a small package as we got up to leave.

“It’s a gift from my family and myself,” Edward said.

Charlie eyed the box in his hands suspiciously. Edward was trying to keep his expression composed. Charlie’s eyes were wide when he finally lifted the lid. “Uh,” Charlie scratched his head, “I don’t know, Edward. This is too much.”

“You’d really be doing Carlisle a favor by going,” Edward shrugged. “It was a raffle item Carlisle won at the hospital benefit this year. He won’t be able to use it since he’s covering for Dr. Snow during the holidays.”

I had no idea what they were talking about. “What is it?” I asked.

Charlie looked little annoyed. “A four-day cruise to Alaska.”

My eyes bulged, “Wow, uh – that’s really nice…”

Charlie shook his head, “Are you sure about this?”

Edward smiled earnestly, “Of course. My parents are hopeful that you and Bella will enjoy the vacation together.”

Four days? Four days alone on a ship with Charlie? Four days alone on a ship with Charlie _without_ Edward? “What? No,” I said.

But it was too late, Edward had already sold Charlie. “Well, geez, Edward. Thank your parents for me, will you?”

“Dad, I can’t just go –“

Edward cut me off, “We won’t have classes the rest of the week, Bella. You’ll be home before New Years.”

“Before _New Years?”_ I gawked. “What? We’re leaving tomorrow?”

Charlie laughed, “Yeah, this will be great!” The childlike enthusiasm from the morning had returned. “I’ll get to try out my new fishing gear – and the jacket, Bells.”

I gave Edward a dirty look from the corner of my eye and pushed again for us to leave. We said our goodbyes to Charlie and then Edward helped me through the avalanche of snow to his car. The heater was already melting the snow dust on my clothes when I spoke.

“You know, I really _hate_ that,” I huffed.

Edward looked at me. “What?”

“Why did you set me up to go on a trip with Charlie?” I complained. _“Four days?”_

“Bella,” he chuckled, “You and Charlie are going to have a fine time together. And you’ve never seen Alaska.”

“Edward, I can’t leave you for four days.” It sounded as dramatic out loud as it had in my head. I hoped he didn’t think me as pathetic as I found myself to be.

He gave me an apathetic look. “I’ll be nearby,” he said softly.

I thought about that for a moment. “So you’ll be there?”

“It hurts me too, you know,” he said, even more gently. “I can’t be away from you either. I’ll be there if you need me, but I won’t get in the way.”

“Edward –“

“Bella, Charlie will have the memories of this trip to carry with him the rest of his life,” he said. “It’s the least I can do to share you with him now when I intend to keep you for an eternity.”

His words soaked in my mind and I surrendered. Of course, Edward was right. I supposed it wouldn’t be so bad spending some time with Charlie outside of the house and our regular routine. And if Edward was there, hidden out of sight, how terrible could it be? Four days? I mulled it over in my head as we turned up the long drive to the Cullens’.

The house looked as it had since December first; every eave, railing, and windowsill on the Cullens’ home was perfectly twinkling with crisp, white string lights. The bulbs were reminiscent of a more classic shape – the kind where the glass was more of a pointed, almond shaped-bulb. Every window and door had an elegant draping of evergreen garland with red ribbons and winterberry clusters, each with their own large wreath to match. The large tree in their living room was prominently glowing through the large windows at the front of the house. Even now, in the middle of the day, the house gleamed its bright light across the flat, even snow. The clouds had returned and there was a light sprinkling of snowfall dusting my shoulders as we walked to the door.

The house smelled even more delicious than it usually did, the scent of fresh gingerbread and pine in the air. A gentle thrumming of the grand piano filled the house with a Christmas song I hadn’t heard before. Rosalie was there, her delicate fingers moving across the keys, Emmett at her side on the bench. She didn’t turn her head as Emmett did to greet us.

“Hey, Bella!” He waved enthusiastically. “Merry Christmas!”

Edward lingered behind me as I moved toward the piano. “Merry Christmas, Emmett,” I smiled. “Rosalie.”

Rosalie nodded, but kept her eyes down, pretending to need the focus to play.

“That’s beautiful,” I complimented.

If I hadn’t been looking hard enough, I would have missed the small, smug smile that tugged on the edges of her lips. It was there and gone in an instant, almost too quickly for my human eyes. Emmett wrapped one arm around Rosalie’s waist as she continued to play, giving her a playful squeeze. She smiled fully then and began to transition to a new melody.

Edward took my hand and led me toward the kitchen. When we turned the corner, a gentle laugh escaped his lips.

“Ah, Bella!” Esme clapped her hands together, sending a small puff of flour dust into the air. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart!”

She and Carlisle turned to one another and laughed, pulling each other into a gentle hug. They were both lightly dusted in flour, patches of white on their faces; on Esme’s nose, Carlisle’s cheek, dusted across their foreheads and their hair. Their aprons were coated in white, too, matching the kitchen island that was covered with thick brown dough and piles of gingerbread cookies.

“Merry Christmas, Bella,” Carlisle laughed. “It seems our baking skills could use a bit more practice.”

There were burnt gingerbread men scattered about the others that were expertly decorated with intricate designs, as if crafted by expert bakers. There had to be over two-hundred cookies. “I think you’re doing a great job,” I laughed.

Edward pulled me closer to him, laughing over my head at his parents. Alice and Jasper appeared then from the staircase. Jasper had huge wrapped boxes piled in his arms as he moved into the living room, wishing me a ‘Merry Christmas’ as he passed. Alice expertly tugged me out of Edward’s arms and into hers, pulling me in for a hug.

“Merry Christmas, Bella,” she said excitedly, squeezing me tightly.

“Merry Christmas, Alice,” I chuckled.

She looked over to Carlisle and Esme, “Come on! It’s time for gifts!”

Carlisle and Esme were working to clean themselves up as Alice dragged me behind her to the living room. Rosalie was still playing at the piano and Emmett was helping Jasper arrange the surmounting pile around the towering Christmas tree. Each gift was wrapped elegantly in different hues of metallic paper. Alice plopped me down on the edge of the sofa closest to the roaring fireplace. Edward swooped me up faster than I could follow and suddenly he was under me and I was perched in his lap. He still had that excitement in his expression that made my heart stutter. He gave me a slight glance, an eyebrow raised, at the sound of it.

“Don’t worry,” Edward soothed. “I followed your rules.”

He had mistaken my heart wrenching happiness for fear. I nodded quickly, as he moved his hand delicately to tuck my hair behind my ear. He kissed my cheekbone gently as I blushed.

“Alright,” Alice complained. “Come, sit.” She ordered to the others.

Esme came to sit beside Edward and I on the long, white sofa. Carlisle sat down beside her. He was still dusting flour from her shoulders. Rosalie stopped her playing and moved to sit beside Emmett in one of the armchairs by the fire as Alice set a vinyl record on an antique player. Bing Crosby’s Christmas album started with _White Christmas._

Jasper took a seat on the floor beside Carlisle’s feet and we all watched as Alice danced around the tree in a graceful blur. Her gaze was peering into the future as her hands floated over each box. She was picking the order in which the gifts would garner the best reactions. As she made her decisions, the boxes began disappearing from under the tree, reappearing in everyone’s hands. Alice begrudgingly went at a human pace to hand me mine. I sat contentedly in Edward’s lap, watching the others as they joyfully exchanged their gifts.

Jasper gifted Carlisle an antique revolver and the two were engrossed in conversation over the details; it sounded like they were interested in the history of it, rather than the use. Emmett gave Rosalie some kind of car, what kind I wasn’t sure, but it sounded fast. Rosalie was asking Emmett and Edward excitedly about the engine as she twirled the keys in her hands. Alice had given everyone clothes, of course, and she and Esme were fawning over the satin on a long skirt Alice had picked for her. Edward’s arms wrapped around me to open his gift from Carlisle and Esme; he graciously received a new leather-bound notebook, giving Esme a kiss on the cheek.

“Here,” Edward said, reaching down to pick up a gift of mine, “I’ll help you.”

There was a smirk on his lips as he exchanged a passing glance at Jasper. Emmett laughed, “Where’s the fun in that?”

I gave Emmett a dirty look as I blushed and Edward handed me something soft. I unfolded a deep blue sweater, definitely cashmere, with a plunging V neckline. My blush deepened and Edward smiled.

“It looks great on you, Bella,” Alice said reassuringly.

“Mmm,” Edward hummed, seeing whatever image Alice had in her head.

I nodded, still weary. “Thanks, Alice.”

She rolled her eyes in response. We continued like that for awhile; Edward opened all my gifts for me and handed them to me one-by-one. I was mostly engrossed with what everyone else was doing.

Rosalie and Esme sat on the couch beside us, combing through a photo album Rosalie had put together for Esme with photos of the family throughout the decades. Esme would share all of the photos of Edward with me as she came across them. Edward gave Alice her yellow Porsche, as promised, from our trip to Italy in the summer. I felt a fleeting pass of dread remembering the trip. The feeling disappeared as quickly as it had come and I gave Jasper an appreciative glance.

Carlisle gifted Esme some property in Northern Idaho with a promise to visit soon to plan her next building project. Emmett was gleefully going through his assortment of fireworks; Esme was exchanging looks with Edward, probably checking to make sure Emmett wasn’t going to get overly excited and start setting them off in the house. Alice had hand-drawn scenes of the London of Carlisle’s youth, and the two were sitting by the fire admiring the large framed sketches. Jasper was reading the backs of the piles of CDs Edward and I had given him, along with a large and expensive looking CD player. Edward was chatting with Rosalie about her gift to him; something about a new engine and some other car stuff that went over my head.

Alice looked over to me, “Bella, did you want to give Edward your gift?”

I had forgotten in all the chaos of paper, the gentle whisper of Bing Crosby, the fluttering of snow falling outside, the glow of the Christmas tree, the crackle of the fire, and the hum of everyone’s happy conversation, that I had a gift I was actually excited to give to Edward.

“Oh,” I said, moving to stand. Edward held me in my place. Alice was there then, my gift for Edward in her hands. I reached out to take it from her, placing it in Edward’s hands. I settled into his lap so that I could see his face.

“I’ve been careful not to think about it around him,” Alice promised, biting her lip in anticipation.

I felt everyone’s eyes on us both as Edward began to tear at the paper. I had been getting his gift ready long before I even realized it. Each time we had taken trips to our meadow, I had been pressing flowers in the pages of whatever book I had carried along. It had been a long time since we had visited in the warm summer months. I didn’t have a use for the flowers in mind when I began collecting them, but there was something about bringing a piece of our refuge home that always felt right. I had worried about what to give Edward for Christmas until I remembered my hoard.

Edward held the delicate frame in his hands, an expression on his face I didn’t recognize. Alice had helped me with the matting and framing, but I managed to arrange the dried flowers into a neat array myself. It did look a bit feminine, now that I was looking at it in his hands.

He suddenly stunned me, flashing his perfect teeth in a wide, exultant grin. Edward brought a hand to cup my cheek tenderly.

“I love you,” he said proudly.

I blushed. “I love you.”

Edward kissed me gently, bringing a brighter blush to my expression. I kept my eyes on my hands when he moved his lips from mine to continue examining his gift.

He turned to me again, “Am I allowed to give you my gift?”

A new dread washed over me. “That depends,” my tone was serious now.

The others in the room laughed lightly with him. Edward reached behind the couch then, handing me a small wrapped package. I weighed it in my hands for a moment. It had a weight to it that seemed solid. I looked at him with questioning eyes.

“I mentioned I’d followed your rules, didn’t I?” He said grinning.

I didn’t fully believe he’d followed the rules. Something about his tone, his expression made me question him. I had made it very clear that if I was to spend Christmas with the Cullens, that I would not be accepting any exorbitant gifts from anyone, especially Edward. We had set a limit on what was reasonable and what was not. Property, vacations, vehicles and anything with more than two zeroes tagged on to the end of the price tag were out of bounds. And I had to really negotiate down to the two zeroes.

I sighed, defeated by the bright expression in his golden eyes. “Okay.”

I heard a quick tear and the paper was removed from the box I held in my hands. Edward tried to control his coy grin as he shrugged. “Just in case.”

I rolled my eyes and lifted the lid on the small box. At first, I felt relieved to find a single book inside. It looked very old and the cover seemed to have a few light cracks. I looked at Edward for reassurance as I went to pick it up. He nodded in encouragement. I picked it up gently, turning it to its spine to read the title. It felt very old, too. Of course it was _Wuthering Heights._

I gingerly opened the cover to find out just how old it was. My eyes caught the author, Ellis Bell, and my eyes bulged. I started to get angry; I saw Edward’s eyes flicker to Jasper and back.

“Edward,” I scolded. “You definitely did _not_ follow the rules!”

Edward chuckled, “Of course I did, Bella. Truly, the box it’s in cost me more.”

I shook my head vigorously. “This is – this is – what is this?” I scanned the inside cover again for the publishing date. _“1847?”_ I said too loudly.

Everyone was chuckling again, even Rosalie.

“Honestly, Bella,” Edward ran a hand through his hair, “I simply asked Carlisle if he would part with it.”

I flashed an accusatory look at Carlisle. He nodded in agreement.

“It’s something I’ve had in my collection,” Carlisle laughed lightly, “I promise you, Bella.”

I tenderly closed the book and placed it back in the box, holding my hands up. I shook my head, “This is too much – is this _a first edition?”_

Edward shrugged, “The American first edition.”

I didn’t know the history of the Brontë sisters perfectly or Emily in particular. I tried to figure out the math in my head. I was overwhelmed.

Edward looked at me inquisitively. “Do you like it?”

I was in shock. I just stared at it motionless. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“She likes it,” Jasper said, reading my emotions.

Edward held me tightly, planting a kiss on my neck below my ear, bringing me out of my momentary lapse of motor function. I thanked him breathlessly, later thanking Carlisle for releasing this priceless piece from his collection for me. I was only _slightly_ suspicious that they were all in on a lie. I chose to go along with it. In truth, I did love it. And I made a deal with Edward that I would accept the gift under the condition that I left it at the Cullens for safe keeping.

We all sat in the living room for a long while, chatting about our gifts and admiring the thought behind each one. The gift exchange between the Cullens was a bit less extravagant than I’d imagined it to be – though only slightly less. Each gift seemed to have meaning behind it. After all, no one here _needed_ anything.

I only moved from Edward’s lap when Esme asked him to play at the piano. Rosalie joined him at the bench and sang along softly _._ When Edward transitioned to a very flourished rendition of _Jingle Bells_ Emmett chimed in voraciously and the angelic whisper of Rosalie’s voice was quickly lost. With pleasant laughter, everyone slowly dispersed throughout the room; Alice and Rosalie collected all the paper and ribbons, Carlisle tended the fire, and Jasper and Emmett joined Edward at the piano for more loud Christmas caroling. Esme joined me at the tree and shared the history of each ornament as I pointed them out to her. Eventually, Alice and Rosalie made their way out to the garage to view their shiny new gifts.

Suddenly the piano and singing stopped and Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett were gone. Esme laughed loudly, taking my hand softly and guiding me towards the front window.

“I think it’s best that we stay inside,” she patted my back, smiling to herself as we looked into the front yard.

It was difficult for my eyes to catch any of it, but I could certainly hear the impact of snow and ice exploding against the tall cedars, making them quake. I could see one of them, every now and then, stopping abruptly to change course, launching another snowball. They were all dashing across the open field, laughing and calling loudly to one another. I could barely follow along. I thought back to the baseball game in the clearing as my heart swelled with joy. Esme and I watched from the window, delighted laughter spilling from our lips.

Esme turned to me, taking my hand in both of hers.

“Sweet, Bella,” she cooed. “You have given us the greatest gift. You may not see the changes we see in our Edward, but you have truly brought him to life.”

The look in her eyes burned with elation. I had to look away; her words filled me with an overwhelming urge to cry. Esme pulled me close to her side as we continued to look out the window. I saw Edward then, dashing through the snow with a triumphant smile. I had never seen anything so enchanting.

Esme had to break up the war eventually; she and Rosalie were going to deliver cookies and Christmas dinners to families in Seattle. Carlisle was filling in for Dr. Snow at the hospital as promised, and left after he’d changed into dry clothes. Jasper, Alice, and Emmett had made plans to hunt; apparently it was a good time to go since most people were home instead of on the trails on Christmas Day. I was disappointed when the house was empty and Edward was making invisible trips to the car to fill it with my Christmas gifts, but I had to be back at Charlie’s by four.

I was surprised that we had made it back to the house before him; Charlie must have been having a nice time in La Push. Edward unloaded the car after he carried me through the thick tundra Alice had left on my lawn. I was getting my small Christmas dinner ready for Charlie, myself, and Edward­ –who would politely pretend to eat with us– when Edward came into the kitchen.

I heard him behind me and turned to face him. He was closer than I thought he would be; his lips were only inches from mine. His sweet aroma brought me closer to him. I barely noticed he had his arm stretched above our heads.

“No Christmas is complete without mistletoe, I hear,” he said, his voice velvet.

I glanced up. He was holding a small bushel above us.

“Mmm,” I murmured, pulling myself to him, reaching my arms to wrap them around his neck.

Edward wrapped one strong arm around me, lifting my feet off the floor. I was pressed to his body; it felt like I was melting into snow. A shiver ran through me and I twisted my fingers in his hair. Our lips met, silk to stone, as we kissed under the mistletoe.


	4. Inebriated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As with the rest of this story, the timeline edits the original canon, meaning the breakup in New Moon and subsequent recoupling happens earlier. This is an update to the night in which Bella visits La Push and hears the tribes stories. In this, I have used direct quotes from Meyer’s novel, and I do not claim to own that content in any way. As stated, this is purely for fun and to share with my fellow Twilight fans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Context: This part of the story comes as a request to give us a little bit of 'drunk Bella.'

Billy chuckled, low and long, and the magic seemed to fade into the glowing embers. Suddenly, it was just a circle of friends again. Jared flicked a small stone at Quil, and everyone laughed when it made him jump. Low conversations murmured around us, teasing and casual. Neither Jacob nor I spoke. He was so still beside me, his breath so deep and even, that I thought he might be close to sleep; I watched the others around me.

The older members of the tribe said their goodbyes and headed toward home. Sue Clearwater left with Billy and Seth, and I wondered why Leah wasn’t going with them. She was still sitting with her eyes closed across from me, the dying fire between us. Embry and Quil walked into the forest and returned with more wood to refuel the flames. Emily and Sam made a quiet exit after Paul. In a matter of a few minutes, only Leah, Jared, Kim, Embry, Quil, Jacob and I were left sitting around the fire.

Embry and Quil exchanged a curious look and Quil took off toward the forest again. Jacob sat up and slapped his palms together in a single clap.

“Good thinking, Quil,” Jacob laughed.

Quil returned with a large paper bag, its contents clinking together; glass bottles?

“Alright,” Quil said, sticking a hand into the bag. “Pick your poison.”

It had been a long time since I’d had a drink, though I’d ever been drunk before. Alcohol had never been very appealing to me, but I had, in the past, participated very sparingly in the cliché underage drinking ritual that Jacob and his friends sometimes engaged in. I’d never seen anyone get out of control; the Quileute boys were big and I thought it would take a lot more than a few bottles to get any of them genuinely drunk. Mostly, they enjoyed the normalcy and comradery. And I could understand why – teen drinking was certainly a much less controversial secret to keep than those they were already keeping. 

Quil pulled each bottle out by its neck and passed them around. Jacob took a large bottle of tequila.

“Bella?” Jacob held out the bottle to me.

I nodded, but my mind was still a thousand years away. I was not thinking of Yaha Uta or the other wolves, or the beautiful Cold Woman – I could picture her only too easily. No, I was thinking of someone outside the magic altogether. I was trying to imagine the face of the unnamed woman who had saved the entire tribe, the third wife.

I wish they’d remembered her name…

Something shook my arm.

“Save some for the rest of us,” Jacob laughed, taking the bottle from me.

I’d only taken a couple of swigs from the bottle’s edge, maybe one… or two? It was revolting and comforting all the same. I shook my head and quivered as the liquid settled in my stomach, making me wrinkle my nose.

Jacob took bigger gulps without wincing before passing the bottle back to me. Jared and Kim were sharing what looked like vodka and Embry and Quil were passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth. Only Leah had a bottle to herself and she stared peacefully into the flicker of the fire as she sipped slowly. She was lost in thought, too.

I was prepping myself for another sip when Jacob patted my leg.   
“You sure your bloodsucker is going to be okay with this?” Jacob asked.

I gave him a scolding look and took a bigger mouthful in protest. Once I managed to choke it down, I was able to speak. “I can do whatever I want, Jake.”

Jacob shot back a questioning expression.

“What?” I said sternly.

He shook his head. “Nothing,” he chuckled. “Go on.”

I would have stopped drinking if my stubbornness hadn’t spurred me on. Jacob and I passed the bottle between us as the night drew on. I couldn’t tell, at first, that I had passed my usual threshold. I had never had more than a couple of sips before, usually allowing Jacob to polish off whatever we were sharing. In the months I had spent with him here in La Push, we had only spent time with his friends like this a handful of times. In all that time, I was terrified of the backlash I’d get from Charlie if he ever found out.

But for whatever reason, if it was my stubborn nature or the pressure I was drowning under, I kept bringing the tequila back to my lips. After awhile, it was easier to take. I was wincing a lot less and laughing a lot more. I held out my hand in front of me and watched it lag in the shadow of the fire. Everything felt slower somehow and my tongue felt heavy and sloppy against my teeth. My lips were numb and it felt like everything I wanted to say came out wrong. In that moment, I was burden-free, even if only artificially.

It was more intense when I went to stand. Did I offer to help Embry get more firewood?

“Sit down, Bella,” Jacob laughed, pulling me back down next to him, my legs folding under my weight.

“I can help!” I said, too loudly.

Jacob patted my leg again, “Yeah, yeah. We don’t need you tripping over your own feet. Your bloodsucker wouldn’t let you come back if I returned damaged goods.”

I snorted. “I fall all the time!” My eyes felt heavy. How long had we been here? _“Edward,”_ I corrected Jacob. I had forgotten if there was something else I needed to correct him on.

Jacob pulled me into his lap and rested my head against his chest. I wanted to push back, but my awkward hands were no match for his warm strength. I gave up and relaxed; it felt nice to be close to him like that, I thought.

I jerked my head up and looked at Jacob, but the words I was looking for didn’t come out. Suddenly, my mind was back on the third wife. She was just a woman, with no gifts or powers. She was physically weaker and slower than any of the monsters in the story. But she had been the key, the solution. She’d saved her husband, her young sons, her tribe.

“But what was her name?” I managed to choke out.

Jacob jostled me. “C’mon, Bells,” Jacob said in my ear. “We’re here.”

I blinked, confused because the fire seemed to have disappeared. I glared into the unexpected darkness, trying to make sense of my surroundings. It took me a minute to realize that I was no longer on the cliff. Jacob and I were alone. I was still in his arms, but we weren’t on the ground anymore. I was losing chunks of time.

He opened the car door and helped me into the passenger seat. How did we get here?

“Oh, crap!” I gasped as I realized that I had fallen asleep. “How late is it? Damn, where’s that stupid phone?” I patted my pockets, frantic and coming up empty.

“Easy. It’s not even midnight yet. And I already called him for you.”

I was moving around, but my body was still slow and even clumsier than usual. I held my hands to my eyes. “Oh, crap,” I whined again.

Jacob was in the driver’s seat, taking me to where Edward was presumably waiting.

“You worried about him coming down on you for being irresponsible?” Jacob chuckled. 

I didn’t reply and Jacob laughed to himself.

“Midnight?” I repeated stupidly, still disoriented. The car began to slow and my heartbeat picked up when my eyes made out the shape of the Volvo, thirty yards away in the headlights. I reached for the door handle as soon as we stopped.

“Here,” Jacob said, and he put a small shape into my other hand. The phone.

“You called Edward for me?”

My eyes were adjusted enough to see the bright gleam of Jacob’s smile. “I figured if I played nice, I’d get more time with you.”

“Thanks, Jake,” I said, the words fumbling together.

There was a movement in the dark distance – something pale ghosting against the black trees. Pacing?

“Yeah, he’s not so patient is he?” Jacob said, noticing my distraction. “Let’s get you back to your bloodsucker.”

I pushed open the door and put my foot on the ground; it felt like my ankle had liquefied. Jacob was there then, pulling me up to stand. Both feet were on the ground, but neither felt usable. Jacob carried my slumped body over the pavement toward Edward, my feet dangling like a ragdoll’s. I tried to object.

“Bella?” Edward sounded frantic. “Bella, are you alright?”

Suddenly, the soft heat was replaced with rigid and cold stone. I was cradled in Edward’s arms, his fingers dancing across my face and neck so quickly I could only feel the lingering touch of ice. He had caught me at the boundary line.

“I’m fine,” I said. I was sure I gave an unconvincing performance. The simplest of words were slurring together.

I could feel Edward’s body tense. His jaw was taught. “How much did she have to drink?” Edward’s voice was cold, too.

Jacob didn’t have to reply; Edward must have been getting the recap of the evening in Jacob’s thoughts. Jacob held his hands up in a faux gesture of surrender.

“She’s a big girl,” Jacob said. “I let her make her own decisions.”

 _"Child,”_ Edward hissed through clenched teeth, turning toward the Volvo.

“Come back soon, Bells,” Jacob called out, a laugh rumbling through him.

I was struggling to speak. My tongue still weighed a thousand pounds and my lips were still useless decoration. Was I saying something? There was no use arguing with Edward, but for some reason I continued to try. Every movement felt like a waste of energy. My limbs felt loose, too fluid, like I had no control.

And oh, his skin on mine made me lose my train of thought. My lips were so close to his neck, I couldn’t resist. I wrapped one hand around his neck, clutching at the hair there, as I planted my lips on his cold neck. I inhaled deeply, drowning in his delicious scent as I kissed him there.

Jacob was not laughing anymore. Edward let out a smug laugh, as he swiftly opened my door and lifted me in, buckling my seat belt around me. I complained about the distance between us as bright lights flashed on and swept across us. I waved toward Jacob’s headlights, but I didn’t know if he saw the gesture.

I struggled to sit up straight in my seat so that I could reach Edward as he drove. I clawed at the center console to pull myself closer to him. I was hanging over to the driver’s side, trying to kiss his neck again, as my right hand grabbed at his thigh.

His hand was immediately at my wrist, restraining me.

“Bella,” he scolded. “Can you attempt to control yourself?”

I whispered on his neck between sloppy kisses. What did I say?

“I’m operating a vehicle.”

I shrugged and laughed. “I thought you were the world’s greatest driver?”

“Bella,” he said more sternly. I ran my tongue from his collarbone to his ear.

Suddenly, I was pinned back in my seat, his right arm holding me there. His breathing sounded rough, making my heart race faster.

“Honestly, Bella,” he was looking out the windshield.

I didn’t want to argue now. All I could focus on was his strong arm wrapped over me. I bent my elbows to run my fingers along his cool skin. Edward didn’t react. I was having a hard time remembering what had happened moments ago. Did I say something? Did he say something?

Edward was shaking his head. “It will be a miracle if we can get you past Charlie in this condition.”

I looked out the window and we were whirring onto my street. “No!” I whined. “Take me home with you.”

“Bella, Charlie is expecting you.”

I pouted as he pulled in behind my truck. He cut the engine and removed my restraints, giving me a questioning look.

“What are you looking at?” I managed to sputter.

He gave me a serious look. “Bella, I am going to carry you in. Please contain yourself.”

I tried to mimic his expression. “I don’t need that. I can walk.”

I fumbled for the door handle, but he was already at my door and lifting me into his arms.

“Edwar-“ he cut me off.

“Please, Bella. Charlie is waiting up for you.” Edward begged.

A thought crossed my mind then. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll do it on one condition.”

“This isn’t for my benefit, Bella,” he rationalized.

“Then I won’t do it.”

Edward sighed. He couldn’t resist the unknown. “What do you want?”

I smiled brightly in response.

“I’ll play dead right now –“

“Asleep, Bella.”

“Right,” I continued. “I’ll pretend to be asleep, but when you come back tonight, I don’t have to contain myself.”

“Bella,” he complained.

“Take it or leave it,” I said quietly. I tried to weasel my way out of his arms, but he held me firmly.

Another sigh escaped his lips and his feet began moving toward the house. I grinned widely in triumph.

“The deal is off the table if you don’t hold up your end,” he said under his breath.

I closed my eyes and let the tension fall out of my body. I must not have been very convincing; Edward tilted my head so that my face rested on his shoulder, my hair spilling over my face.

Charlie opened the door as Edward walked up the front steps.

Charlie spoke softly. “She still asleep?”

I felt Edward nod. Jacob must have called Charlie, too. Edward marched almost silently up the stairs. I could hear Charlie’s clunky steps behind us. Edward set me in my bed gently. He kissed my forehead lightly, eliciting a small huff from Charlie. Edward stepped back and Charlie haphazardly removed my shoes and tucked my quilt around me. I snuggled in, hoping my performance was convincing as the two silently left my room. They spoke for a moment, their voices too obscured for me to listen in on.

I had to open my eyes; the room felt like it was spinning, rotating in a choppy motion that made me feel queasy. I sat up to steady myself. I heard the front door shut and the engine of the Volvo as it sped away. Charlie’s footsteps pounded back up the stairs and I threw myself back against the bed before he popped his head through my door. He closed my door silently before going down the hall to his room for the night.

I sat up slowly and stumbled out of the bed. I tripped on my shoes and fell back on the bed on my way to the door. I staggered my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I brushed my teeth vigorously, trying to wash the taste of tequila from my mouth. I lost my balance trying to take off my jeans, getting them stuck on my thick socks. I tumbled slowly to the tile floor and removed the rest of my clothes as quickly as I could manage before crawling my way into the stream of water. Every movement I made felt deliberate, but careless. I was washing myself in a blur. I spilled the entire bottle of shampoo and the bar of soap continued to pop out of my hands every time I tried to pick it up. I felt a little soapy still when I turned the water off and floundered into a towel. It was the fastest I’d ever been in and out of the bathroom.

I was soaking wet as I tried to tip-toe my way back into my room. I had to lean against the wall the entire four feet I struggled to walk. It was a miracle that I managed to get the door shut without much more chaos. I squinted through the darkness, looking for him. Edward wasn’t back yet.

I ran to my dresser, tripping on the shoes again. I stopped to hurl them into my closet; the loud _thud_ made me wince. I stumbled a bit, still completely off balance. The weight of the water in my heavy hair didn’t help, either. I laughed, clapping a hand over my mouth to stifle it. I doubted Charlie was already asleep, but figured he heard the shower and was giving me my privacy.

I pulled out clothes and put them on quickly, not paying attention to what I grabbed. When I was dressed, I lurched toward the open window, leaning out while I waited for Edward to come back. The night was surprisingly cold, almost wintry. I hadn’t noticed it at all on the windy cliffs. Icy droplets spattered against my face as the rain began to fall.

It was too dark to see much besides the black triangles of the spruces leaning and shaking with the wind. But I strained my eyes anyway, searching for other shapes in the storm. A pale silhouette, moving like a ghost through the black… or maybe the shadowy outline of an enormous wolf… My eyes were too weak, my head too foggy. I was beginning to sway when a sudden movement in the night caught my attention. He was right beside me then, sliding through my open window, his hands colder than the rain.

“Is Jacob out there?” I asked, the words blending together, my tongue still a heavy burden.

Edward pulled me into the circle of his arms. “Yes… somewhere. And Esme’s on her way home.”

“Ah, crap,” I muttered against his chest.

Edward chuckled over my head. “She was concerned about you… you were making quite a bit of noise. She almost came inside to make sure you were alright.”

My face was already warm from the alcohol; had I been sober, I would probably have blushed.

“That’s embarrassing.” I pressed my face into his shirt, making the words unintelligible.

Edward stroked my wet hair and I felt a silent laugh roll through him. His hand swept my hair away to rest on the back of my neck. A shiver rolled through me, reminding me of the deal we had made.

I didn’t bother speaking, but the gasp that passed my lips startled him. I jerked back and lunged at him, my arms locking around his neck as I kissed him, unrestrained.

He kissed me back for a minute before he gently removed me from himself.

  
“Relax, Bella,” he said, struggling to get the words out. His free hand was balled into a fist.

“You promised,” I grumbled, tugging at his shirt.

“I was hoping you’d forget about that,” he admitted, still holding me off.

I sighed, slapping my hands down at my sides. Whatever I said made him laugh. What did I say?

I stumbled backwards, falling onto my back on the mattress. “You promised,” I repeated.

“I made no such deal,” Edward said, a proud grin on his lips.

“That’s cheating,” I whined too loudly. He was suddenly hovering over me, a cold finger at my lips. Just as quickly, he was gone and my bedroom door was opening.

“What’s going on, Bella?” Charlie said as the hall light illuminated me.

“Sorry, Ch-Dad.” I propped myself up. “I tripped getting into my pajamas.”

I sounded coherent enough. I thought my slurring could pass for grogginess, but Charlie looked at me as though he wasn’t buying it.

“Get to bed, Bells.”

I dragged myself up the bed as Charlie went back to his room. My body felt heavy enough to stay down, but I forced it back up when the room started its inconsistent writhing again. Edward was standing in the dim light from the window, watching me with a curious expression.

“What?” I said, too loud again. I repeated it in an exaggerated whisper to prove that I could control myself.

Edward shook his head. “I was hoping that would sober you up.”

“I’m waiting,” I said, patting the bed beside me. My head slumped to the side, the weight dragging on my neck as I snapped it back in an upright position.

Edward’s expression had changed. A smirk was budding on his lips as he crossed his arms slowly, pulling his t-shirt over his head. My expression made him chuckle softly.

He said something low, velvet. I couldn’t catch it. I was too distracted by my own pulse ringing in my ears. My hands were stretched out in front of me towards him, like a child begging for a toy. He dropped his shirt and walked toward the edge of my bed. I scurried towards him, running my hands up his perfect stomach. I was too weak to pull myself up, so I pulled at him to follow me down. He came to hover over me again, his lips inches from mine. I relished in his cold breath, closing my eyes as he gently kissed my jaw and neck, eventually finding my lips. My back arched my body toward him, my hands balled the sheets into my fists.

The sound I made brought Edward’s hand to my mouth, a soft _hush_ falling from his lips. It didn’t make me quieter. He sighed and kissed me firmly. I was surprised when his hands moved to my hips, sending another wave of noise through me.

“Bella.” Edward whispered against my neck.

Words were spilling out of my mouth, I just wasn’t sure what they were. I must have been too loud. Edward had disappeared again and Charlie was at my door.

“Bella,” he said, swinging the door open. “What are you doing?”

I sat up and threw the quilt over myself. “I’m going to bed!”

The frustration I felt came out in my tone. Charlie said something indecipherable, let out a frustrated huff, and closed the door loudly behind him. As Charlie stomped back to his room, I threw myself back down, throwing my arms out so that I covered the entire width of the small bed. The room continued to sputter and spin, so I forced myself back up. My head swayed, spilling my still wet hair around my face. I caught sight of Edward again; he was sitting at the foot of the bed staring at me with questioning eyes.

I felt like I was forgetting chunks of time – or was he just moving too quickly? We were in the bed now, my head on his bare chest, his arms above his head. I sat up again, searching for water. He was gone and back with a glass before I could reach the nightstand. He dropped three ibuprofen pills in my hand and I struggled to get them in my mouth. I was too eager with the glass and felt some water dribble off my chin and onto my shirt. He said something with a gentle smile and I replied; what did I say?

I rested my head on his chest again once we were back in the bed. The coolness of his skin helped to soothe the spinning. I couldn’t keep my eyes closed though; every time I tried, my body felt like it was pulsing. I kept springing my head back up. We continued like that for awhile.

“Bella, close your eyes,” he pleaded again.

“I think we need to do something,” I said. “I’m not ready to sleep.”

“You’re being too loud,” Edward said quietly, trying to coax me back to the bed.

I was making my way toward the window. “Come on,” I urged. “Let’s go see Alice.”

“Bella,” he said, suddenly blocking my path. “It’s late.”

I laughed loudly; how absurd? “You don’t sleep!”

Edward sighed. “Close your eyes.”

I did and my body slumped involuntarily. Edward caught me, of course, and I was in his arms. I didn’t feel like I was spinning so much anymore. Edward wrapped me in my heavy quilt, leaving only my face exposed. He kept me cradled in his arms as he paced around the room. I was like a restless baby, unwilling to sleep. I felt a cold breeze on my face from the open window. I kept my eyes closed, but I continued talking; I didn’t want him to think he was winning. He would answer me from time to time. And suddenly the light turned on and I struggled to adjust my eyes.

“Edward?”

“She refused to sleep,” Edward replied, sounding amused.

Carlisle laughed, “Yes, Esme told me what happened.”

I jerked my head to take in the room. We were in the Cullens’ living room. Had Edward run with me all the way here? Carlisle was standing closer than I thought. He ran a cool hand over my cheek.

“How are you feeling, Bella?” he asked softly with a wide smile.

“Fine,” I was still too loud.

Emmett and Alice came into the room as Edward put me on my feet and unwrapped me from the quilt. He was still holding me steady, like I was just a child learning to walk.

“Alice!” I yelled. “See, I told you she would be up!”

“Hi, Bella,” Alice eyed my outfit with a disapproving look. “Having a fun night?”

The way I answered her made Emmett laugh. _“Nice,_ Bella.”

Edward turned to Alice, “I couldn’t keep her quiet. How long do we have?”

Alice looked into the future, her eyes glossing over. “Charlie will sleep through the night,” she chuckled. “Now that Bella’s out of the house.”

I didn’t like the implication. “Charlie?” I scoffed. “He’s fine.”

Edward helped me to the couch. I collapsed into the soft white fabric and Alice sat beside me. I reached out and grabbed her hands, a sudden rush of thoughts and questions coming to my mind. Edward left the room and returned with more water for me as I continued to blather.

Edward handed me the glass, guiding it towards my lips.

“Water?” Emmett boomed. “Get this girl some more tequila!”

Emmett, Alice, and I continued talking. It felt as though every thought that entered my mind exited my lips. Edward and Carlisle stood in the kitchen, probably discussing ways to sober me up. But I agreed with Emmett; God, how stressful everything around us was. For once, I felt totally free. I felt like someone else entirely and completely unashamed of my behavior. I could tell that my words weren’t making much sense and I could tell that my movements were even sloppier than usual, but I just simply didn’t care.

The Cullens kept me entertained as Edward continued to bring me water and bread. Emmett put me through a few DUI tests; I couldn’t get past _X_ in attempting the alphabet backwards and walking in a straight line while trying to place a finger on my nose with each step was a complete failure. Edward caught me each time I fell. Alice had to take me to the bathroom constantly, and Edward would be waiting with another glass of water each time we returned. I was completely unaware of the timeline of events. Eventually, I made my way up the stairs to Edward’s room. I pulled CD case after CD case out of the shelves and continued to swap them out before one song on the album could even finish.

“Ah,” Edward said over _Everything Counts_ by Depeche Mode. “Jasper.”

I’d never blacked out before, but I figured that’s what happened. The rest of the night vanished from my mind. When I opened my eyes, the blue light of the morning was spilling into my room. Had we even gone to the Cullens’ or had it all been a dream? I moved thoughtlessly, but a nagging pain in my head stopped me. I groaned loudly, holding my head as if it were about to fall apart. It hit me that, it in fact, had not been a dream. I pushed my face into my pillow.

I heard him chuckle then and I moved slowly, turning my head up to look at him. Edward was resting with his arms tucked behind his head. His golden eyes were curious, his voice was low and gentle. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I never want to drink again.”

He laughed. “That’s too bad.”

That surprised me. “Too bad?”

He put a cold hand to the back of my neck, which helped the nausea. “You’re an open book when you’re inebriated,” he smiled. “It’s surprisingly enjoyable.”

The nausea was back. “What did I say?”

Edward shrugged. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and he laughed again.

I didn’t press the question. I wanted him to leave in the event the nausea took a turn for the worst. He brought me more ibuprofen and a cup of coffee leftover in the pot from Charlie. He moved through the house undetected as Charlie prepared himself for work. Edward kissed me, long enough to get my pulse racing —and my head pounding— and then headed home to change and get his car. I dragged myself out of the bed and tried to get myself ready for school.

Oh, how the pain numbed all the other worries I harbored.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Twilight Saga world, which is trademarked by Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown Books. All characters referenced are owned by Stephenie Meyer, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the Twilight Saga. The story told here is of my own invention. This story is for entertainment only – fun – and is not part of the official story line. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for the creation of these characters and I in no way am profiting from the creation and publication of this story. Some lines are directly quoted from Meyer’s book, Eclipse, and I do not claim to own Meyer’s words.
> 
> References:  
> Meyer, Stephenie. Eclipse. Little, Brown, 2013.  
> Tennyson, Alfred Tennyson, and W. E. Williams. Tennyson: Poems. Penguin, 1985.


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